Confidence and Insecurity, Part 2: Women

  People who dispense dating advice will often tell you that confidence is sexy, sexier than a good income or a great face, and a key to attracting the other sex. And they’re right. However, it’s more of a challenge to define what confidence is and how to convey it. Sometimes, it’s easier to offer examples of what confidence ISN’T. Last time, I talked about confidence and why it’s important. In my mind, confidence is believing in yourself. It’s being […]

Online Dating: Can Shyness on a First Date Scare Men Away?

Dear Christie, I’ve been reading your books (and have many other dating advice in the last few years) but there’s one thing I don’t seem to find anyone mentioning. With online dating, the first date is the first time both sides meet. The advice says that if he sends that “Nice to meet you but…” text afterwards, move on. I’ve been happy and confident with myself to do that in the past. But two weekends ago, I had another first […]

Am I Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Man?

Hey Dr. Hartman! I just finished reading your book It’s Not Him, It’s You and it was absolutely GREAT! I have suggested it to many friends! It allowed me to discover many questions I had about a recent relationship that didn’t work out. However, my situation is slightly different than some of the red flags presented. For example, the guy I was seeing I had known for a few years (i dated his friend 5 years ago briefly) and started talking […]

Are You Facing Repeated Rejection in Dating? Here’s What To Do…

In my last post, I discussed the DOs and DON’Ts of handling rejection in dating. Rejection is an unavoidable part of dating, and the sooner you learn to put it in perspective, the better. However, that article dealt with rejection in general, the kind of rejection that happens to every person who’s single and out there making an effort. But what about repeated rejection? What do you do when you keep getting rejected, when you can’t get a date, can’t […]

The Top 5 Stereotypes about Men… and Why They’re WRONG

If you’ve read It’s Not Him, It’s YOU, you know I strongly believe that you need to understand men if you want to succeed with men. Often, understanding men means making a certain amount of generalizations about them: e.g. “men like sports” or “men are the pursuers” or “men are clueless about women.” These generalizations may ring true for many. But what about negative generalizations or stereotypes? When does understanding men turn into having a bad attitude about men? In […]

Is Dating a Lightweight Topic? Uh, Noooooo.

Last spring, I did a LOT of radio interviews to promote the new book, It’s Not Him, It’s YOU. As you know, it’s a dating book that discusses women’s Top 10 Dating Mistakes. Well, one of the radio hosts thanked me after our interview and said, “I know dating isn’t a heavy-hitting topic like the environment, but that was a good interview.” Although he was paying me a compliment, his comment about dating being somehow a less important topic than […]

Who Makes the First Move: Men or Women?

You’ve spotted him – the seriously cute guy you’ve been eyeing for a while and want to meet. Maybe you work out at the same gym, sit in the same biology class, or you’ve seen his profile online. Now what? He’s the guy – it’s his job to make the first move, right? Wrong. If you wait for men to break the ice or to come talk to you, you’re going to miss out on a lot of good opportunities. […]

“It’s Not Him, It’s YOU” – what does that mean?

So I’ve been publicizing the new book It’s Not Him, It’s YOU since it was released in April. The title does grab one’s attention – women are intrigued by it, and men get happy when they see that, for once, someone isn’t blaming them for the difficulties of relationships! But the title can sound a little like I’m being hard on women, right? So when I say “It’s not him, it’s you,” what do I mean? Authors Don’t Choose Titles […]

“It’s Not Him, It’s YOU” reviewed in Publishers Weekly

Publishers Weekly Staff — Publishers Weekly, 4/26/2010 12:00:00 AM It’s Not Him, It’s You: The Truth you May not Want-But Need-to Hear Christie Hartman. Adams Media, $14.95 paper (256p) ISBN 9781440501623 Though she agrees that “sometimes dating sucks,” psychologist Hartman (Dating the Divorced Man) has found, through considerable research, that “during the early stages of dating, women unknowingly make one or more fundamental mistakes.” Here, she enumerates the top ten such mistakes-including “You Think Men Have a Clue,” “Your Attitude […]

How To Break the Ice With Men: The Party

My last article in this series talked about breaking the ice at the gym. As I discuss in It’s Not Him, It’s You, as a woman it’s your job to initiate things with men. Don’t listen to stupid “Rules” that tell you to wait for men to approach you. Men tire of being rejected and feeling like they’re bothering women who aren’t interested. And let’s face it: women have smoother social skills, and it’s less awkward for everyone when a […]