When He’s Not Ready for Commitment… With YOU

  You’ve heard the saying: It’s not that a man doesn’t want commitment. It’s that he’s doesn’t want to commit to YOU. Ouch, right? A punch to the gut. And sometimes a man isn’t ready for commitment, and there is no “right woman” for him if he’s not ready. Yet, more often than not, when a man stalls on moving forward with you, it’s because you aren’t the one for him. I see this situation a lot in my work with […]

Dating and Change: What Does it Mean to “Leave Your Comfort Zone”?

Last time, I talked about change: why change is necessary in dating, the difference between changing who you are and changing ineffective behaviors or habits, and why people resist change. This is such an important topic that one could write volumes on it. After all, change is often the one thing standing between you and what you want. One of the tough things about change is facing the unknown. What’s familiar, even if it sucks, can be comforting because you […]

Introversion and Dating I: Defining Introversion (or Trying To…)

  You can’t browse Facebook or the internet without some article about how introverts are different, how misunderstood they are, how to identify them, how to identify yourself as one, and what their needs are. We’ve officially reached introversion saturation, much like we have with articles about narcissism or paleo diets. I don’t say this to complain or because it’s a bad thing. It’s a natural thing–when something reaches that tipping point and takes off, it means it’s resonating with a […]

Confidence and Insecurity, Part 2: Women

  People who dispense dating advice will often tell you that confidence is sexy, sexier than a good income or a great face, and a key to attracting the other sex. And they’re right. However, it’s more of a challenge to define what confidence is and how to convey it. Sometimes, it’s easier to offer examples of what confidence ISN’T. Last time, I talked about confidence and why it’s important. In my mind, confidence is believing in yourself. It’s being […]

Confidence and Insecurity, Part 1: Men

  So I’ve been thinking a lot about confidence: what it is and what it’s not. People who dispense dating advice are always pushing singles to show confidence, saying that confidence is sexy, sexier than a good income or a great face. And they’re right. The problem is it’s much harder to actually define what confidence is, and what it’s NOT.       What is Confidence? Google defines it as: “A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s […]

Fear and the Divorced Man

In my coaching practice, I work with a variety of people: men and women, those ranging from mid-20s to early 50s, and interesting people from various walks of life, from a small-town Mountain Man to a career woman in a big East Coast city. And while my clients seek me out for a variety of challenges, one particular challenge falls across my desk on a regular basis: a woman is dating a separated or divorced man. In Dating the Divorced Man, […]

Dating and Introversion: The Burden of Small Talk

One of the things I hear over and over from introverted singles is that they hate small talk. This isn’t too surprising, as a dislike for or lack of skill with small talk is a common defining trait of introversion. Extroverts are the ones with the gift of gab, the ones who can talk to strangers about anything and always have something to say. Why? Because they love to talk! They enjoy the stimulation of shooting the breeze with other […]

On Dating Your Intellectual Equal

I haven’t written an IB (Intellectual Badass) article in a long time. But for some reason, the idea of intellectual compatibility has been rolling around in my mind for a while. What is intellectual compatibility? Is it important to date someone on your intellectual level? If so, how does that look?   Intelligent vs. Intellectual I have a saying: Chemistry gets a relationship started, but Compatibility keeps it going. If you’re tired of “flame out” relationships that start great and […]

Online Dating, Attraction, and Race

  I haven’t spent much time discussing race in dating. For one, it hasn’t been a big issue in my single life or in my work as a dating expert. Which is not surprising, considering that I’m white, and race is a more salient issue for minorities. For another, race is a huge topic, one that’s difficult to address in even a series of articles. But after taking a gander over to OkCupid’s blog again and seeing that they’ve done an […]

Dating the Divorced Man: The Plight of the First Wife

On this blog, I have an entire category of articles entitled “Dating and Divorce.” These articles span various topics related to dating after a divorce, but most are devoted to a specialty area of mine: dating separated and divorced men. Many of the articles in that folder represent my most frequented and most commented articles. I published Dating the Divorced Man in 2007 and it’s now it its 2nd edition. Clearly, this is a topic many people can relate to. […]