Fear and the Divorced Man

In my coaching practice, I work with a variety of people: men and women, those ranging from mid-20s to early 50s, and interesting people from various walks of life, from a small-town Mountain Man to a career woman in a big East Coast city. And while my clients seek me out for a variety of challenges, one particular challenge falls across my desk on a regular basis: a woman is dating a separated or divorced man. In Dating the Divorced Man, […]

Dating the Divorced Man: The Plight of the First Wife

On this blog, I have an entire category of articles entitled “Dating and Divorce.” These articles span various topics related to dating after a divorce, but most are devoted to a specialty area of mine: dating separated and divorced men. Many of the articles in that folder represent my most frequented and most commented articles. I published Dating the Divorced Man in 2007 and it’s now it its 2nd edition. Clearly, this is a topic many people can relate to. […]

Is My Separated Man on the Rebound?

Whenever you see a friend or family member end a relationship or marriage and immediately get involved with someone new, what is your first thought? Rebound!   But What is Rebounding, Exactly? Rebounding occurs when the loss of a relationship creates a sizable void in your life, and you do what most people do when they encounter a void in their personal life: FILL IT. If you’re hungry, you crave food. If you’re thirsty, you crave water. And if you’ve suddenly lost a person […]

Cheating Ex Wants The LBF (Let’s Be Friends): Should She Say Yes?

  Dear Christie, As a brainy and attractive academic, I love your website!  Here is a situation I haven’t seen posted; I’d love some input: A couple years ago I was in a short term relationship with a colleague, who, as was I, recently separated from our spouses.  We are in our late 40s/early 50s.  I have now been divorced for over a year; he is still separated with final papers ready to be filed (for over the last year).  […]

Dating a Separated Man whose Ex-Wife Won’t Let Go

Hi Christie I’m 44, never been married and have never had children. I’m involved with a man that has filed for divorce but has yet to finalize it. I would have to describe our falling in Love similar to what it must have been like back when you didn’t have a physical relationship with someone until after you were married. I fell in Love after long discussions about Life. Talking about what mistakes we’ve made in relationships, what we would […]

Is it Normal for My Divorced Man to Keep in Constant Contact with his Ex-Wife?

When the topic of dating separated and divorced men comes up, one of the questions I get most often is, “How much contact should he be having with his ex?” In other words, if a man is divorced (or going through a divorce), how much visiting/talking/texting/helping the ex-wife is expected for the sake of good relations, and how much is too much? This is an important question, because the nature and frequency of contact with his ex can tell you […]

My Divorced Man Lives Overseas and Won’t Visit. What Do I Do?

  Hi Christie, First of all, congratulations on getting married. All the best wishes. I did some research online and came across Dating the Divorced Man. I’ve read many self-help books and your book seems very helpful from what I saw on Amazon. I have a problem with intimacy (trust issues). No relationship lasted more than a year. Recovered codependent thru self-help. Coming to terms, accepting the fact I went thru an unrequited love and realizing I might not be […]

A Separated Man Broke My Heart – Was I the Rebound Girl?

  Hello Dr. Hartman, I recently read your book, Dating the Divorced Man. It was very helpful and validated all that I’ve been through, and my only complaint is that I found it too late. Six months ago, I met a man at a coffee shop I don’t even usually go to. We started talking, then left the coffee shop and talked until 4 am. It turned out he travels to Chicago (where I live) from a town about 4 hours away, […]

Should You Date a Separated Man?

So you’ve met a great guy: you’re attracted to him, you have a lot in common, and you don’t care that he’s been married before. But then you find out the details: he has the scarlet “S” emblazoned on him — separated. He’s in a gray area: not really married anymore, but not divorced either. So should you date this guy, or run the other way? “But He’s Still Married!” As I discuss in Dating the Divorced Man, a separated man is […]