This week I had the pleasure of getting out of my office and away from the writing desk to dispense my wisdom on television. Denver 9News reporter Melissa Blasius contacted me to help her develop a story about online dating scams. Here is the video if you want to check it out!
You’d be surprised just how common online dating scams are. Anyone who’s ever dated online knows that you can meet creeps and flakes; but it’s a whole different ballgame when someone tries to dig into your vulnerabilities – your need for companionship and love – in order to rip you off. These people are everywhere, infiltrating online dating sites and other social media sites such as Facebook. So I thought I’d devote a post to talking about signs that you’re being scammed or gamed.
Online dating scammers will go after anyone, male or female. However, they tend to target people over 40, who didn’t grow up in the Information Age and aren’t as online savvy. They also target people who are divorced, widowed, or single parents… people who may be lonely and vulnerable to the affections of an attractive stranger.
Warning Signs of an Online Dating Scam
The overseas connection. Often, scammers live overseas and will either admit to living there or will say they’re American but “temporarily” there for business or other reasons. Long distance relationships are hard enough when someone lives in the next state over… developing a romance with someone 10 time zones away is pretty unrealistic. Also, some scammers will claim they’re in the military and deployed overseas.
Email marathons. The purpose of online dating isn’t to develop an online “pen pal” – it’s to MEET PEOPLE. Thus, while some chatting over email is important to establish trust, rapport, and interest, extensive emailing back and forth isn’t good because it creates a false sense of intimacy with someone you’ve never met in person. Online scammers are notorious for wanting to chat a LOT – they’re trying to earn your trust.
Flattery. Online scammers will flatter the shit out of you. They will say you’re beautiful or handsome. They will try to make you feel valued. They may also appeal to your ego: if you’re a guy, the picture will be a young, attractive woman who makes it clear she’s attracted to you and wants to meet you. If you’re a woman, the picture will be a nice looking guy who tells you that you’re beautiful and that he’s dying to meet you. The pics are usually fake, stolen off the internet (see Resources below).
Quick intimacy. Online scammers will start talking in romantic or sexual ways very quickly, even dropping the L word. Huge red flag. Regular people don’t do this; how do you have strong feelings for someone you’ve never met? You don’t.
Bad English. Because so many scammers are from other countries (Nigeria is a common one), their grasp of our language is weak. They will misspell and misuse words in a way that makes it clear they don’t speak our language.
Requests for help. And, last but never least, the telltale sign of a scammer is when they ask for money. That’s their end game. The number can be big or small. Often, scammers will have a myriad of excuses for why they can’t come see you or meet in person (another red flag), and will often ask for money to fly them out to visit you, to reinstate their Visa to come to the US, or to pay someone to remove the giant boulder that’s holding them back from being with the person they love so dearly. There’s even a scam where men posing as U.S. military men looking for laptops or other stuff will attempt to get money out of people.
Facebook. Ever look through your messages on Facebook? If so, you probably have a series of messages from random men or women telling you that you’re attractive and that they’re looking to meet a nice man or woman. On Facebook, I accept friend requests from strangers because of the nature of my business; but every now and again I get a request from a guy who has no friends and few to no posts. He always has an Anglo name and a nice photo where he’s by himself, in a uniform, or with a child. Potential scammer. The photos are usually fake and stolen from someone else on Facebook.
Melissa, the reporter who interviewed me, purposely developed a month-long online relationship from a guy who found her on Facebook. Sure enough, he was a nice looking man with a very Anglo-American name. His English was pitiful. He wrote her day and night, asked her what she did for a living, if she were married (she is!), how much money she made. He told her nice things. He probed her for more information. She Google searched his photo and, sure enough, it belonged to some other guy on Facebook, a guy whose Middle Eastern name matched his Mediterranean look. And sure enough, he eventually asked her for money.
In summary, if a stranger contacts you on an online dating site, on social media, or anywhere else, and displays the above signs – or any other sign you find odd – do your research. Run it by other people. Do some Google searches. It’s better to feel a little foolish now than feel much more foolish later. And be sure to check out the resources below:
Resources
Good website for romance scams help and resources: http://www.romancescams.org/
Google image search (to see if a person’s pic can be found elsewhere on the internet): http://images.google.com/
Almost all of them I have experienced a hundred times – definitely share
There are some free dating sites that you should simply stay away from. TAGGED, ZORPIO, FISH MEET FISH, BADOO, CONNECTING SINGLES, ARE JUST A FEW THAT ARE FLOODED WITH SCAMMERS USING STOLEN PHOTOS. LEARN TO RUN PHOTOS THROUGH EITHER GOOGLE IMAGES OR TINEYE; BOTH ARE GOOD AT LETTING YOU KNOW WHERE THESE PHOTOS HAVE BEEN. THERE ARE MANY PHOTOS THAT ARE USED BY SCAMMERS CONSISTENTLY AND AFTER A WHILE YOU WILL LEARN WHICH ONES THEY ARE. ANOTHER RULE OF THUMB IS TO PRETTY MUCH STAY AWAY FROM MILITARY PHOTOS ALTOGETHER. IF YOU ARE NOT SURE, JUDGE YOUR COMMUNICATIONS WITH THEM. THE MINUTE THEY ASK YOU TO HELP THEM WITH MONEY FOR ANYTHING……RUN. MILITARY MEMBERS ESPECIALLY ARE WELL TAKEN CARE OF. DON’T LET THEM SUCKER YOU INTO BELIEVING THEY CAN’T GET TO THEIR FUNDS, OR THEY NEED TO COVER EXPENSES FOR ANYTHING. IF THEY ARE WORKING OUT OF THE COUNTRY DON’T BELIEVE THEM. IF THEY ASK YOU TO ACCEPT ANY PACKAGES, DON’T DO IT, AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T SEND THEM MONEY VIA MONEYGRAM OR WESTERN UNION AND DO NOT PROVIDE THEM WITH ANY PERSONAL BANKING INFORMATION. THE ORIGINAL SCAMMER PHANTOM
I am certain that a man is posing as a Captain in the United States Army and is stationed in Kabul Afghanistan. It was all so innocent on my part (I’ve seen a lot of the scammers on Dr. Phil) and I just posted something on FB that was in regards to a cute joke. I received a reply from this individual and it was in agreement with what I said, but it also said that I have a “cute smile”. So, I looked him up on Facebook and it did indeed show him as being in the Army. Well, my brain must have been in its tired mode, because I replied and said that I just wanted to thank him for his service and for the nice compliment. It took off from there. The English wasn’t too bad, but dome I put down to just typos and have yet to be asked for money. But, I’ve also asked for his military e-mail address and he just sent me his yahoo address. I’ve decided to string him along until he asks for money. However, I have done a photo search and an e-mail search and found nothing. I wish especially in this case, that I could some how contact the Army to see if there really is a individual by the name provided and if so, they should let him know that his pictures are being used. I also received a message on FB from a woman indicating that she thinks he looks like someone who scammed thousands of dollars from a friend of hers and that I should be careful. It really is so very sad that people are so vulnerable and get taken in by these scammers.
I’ve met the most beautiful man I could ever meet. He is in nigeria which a red flag straight away, but he constantly emails me… Yes romance was up and running with in a day or two do that was another red flag but he has asked for nothing from me…. I offered to buy him a phone has he has a very old one and I could contact him more better during his day. He rings me most days to say hi but me heart says one thing my gut another… So I’m in a fuzz of not knowing what to do…. I have his mobile number for contact…. Is he real or a fake… I’ve put the question to him and he replies that I have hurt him as a human being
Run…. this is the classic. Too many red flags. The Nigeria scams get you to communicate intimately then threaten to expose all you say if you don’t either pay up or get recruited to scam others for them. It has been running for many years now. If you have serious doubts about a man you know….run. If you have serious doubts about a man far away especially military…run faster. An honest man would expect and respect your safety. Several years ago I was talking to someone military. There really was such a man in Texas but I was not talking to him. I was talking to someone who stole his profile including family photos. If someone makes a lot of excuses to why they can’t accept a package gift from you at a reasonable and legitimate address you can verify I promise they are fake. Don’t count on google because there may be a real person with that name face and family.
Help…my boyfriend and I just broke up over a relationship that I was having online. I read your article and now I’m getting mixed and bad feelings. I couldn’t find his picture through Google images. I could find a different name through a general search. Oh my god…what have I done? I need help…please help me. 🙁
I think this is going on now to me on Facebook and need help with it
I met a girl on this sight it seemed ok for a while then a few days before I was to go meet her she said her aunt was being sent to Egypt for cancer treatment she still didn’t ask for money she has called me many times now she is wanting me to send her 500.00 so she can get a flight back to the states what do you think is she scamming me or what
Yes it is a scam
I just almost because a victim of an online dating scam. I belong to a meet up group and this really good looking guy e mails me saying he like my profile. The stuff he was saying was so flattering. He seemed honest and legit. He asked for my phone # so we can text as he lives in PA but is in China now for business. Ok still seems ok.after 3 weeks he tells me he loves me even though he never met me? He was supposed to come back for a 2 week break and we were going to meet. The day before he’s supposed to arrive I get an email from one of his co-workers saying he’s been in an accident and he was unconscious. Now I am very suspicious xxx cause I know what’s coming next. The next day he calls saying during the accident someone took all his money, credit cards and travel documents. Then he said I need your help are you able to send me money any little bit will help. Now I know he was a scammer. I told him no I am not sending you any money. I don’t know you. He told me that he would pay me back it was a promise. That he was hurt cause I wouldn’t help. Needless to say I did not give in and he hung up
I was contact on facebook by a guy named Jerry Kaye. We were using messenger as our primary source of communication. He then said we could send emails if we wanted to and he gave me his email. He then said we could use Hangout to talk which would make it easier when messenger goes down. He gave me an email address of jerrykaye32@yahoo.com. I have been trying to find out the name and location of this email address but haven’t had much luck and don’t know where to go for this. He says he’s a traveling doctor in Libya and that the government gave him a piece of land on which to build a clinic as he is doing such good work. First he claimed he needed 3000.00 to finish up and then he would be home to me and we would get married. Then he claimed he needed 15,000.00 as he had to hire more local workers to finish up the clinic and get some equipment. He said once he gets this money he will be home to me and we can get married. He also wants me to send a gift to a boy who lives in Nigeria for his birthday. I want us to talk by phone but he says he doesn’t have a phone only a computer. I call him through the sites and he says he can hear me but I can’t hear him. He says he needs to do something to his computer so I would be able to hear him. He claims he is nervous about me hearing his voice as he doesn’t think it’s sexy. His English is pretty good with only a slight hint of an accent. He uses full sentences and abreviations. He sent me some photos of him. I did a reverse image search and one of his photos came up belonging to a Dr. Kourosh Tavakoli who is based in Sydney Australia. Upon looking further into Dr. Tavakoli’s online photos I can see all the pictures that are on Jerry Kaye’s profile on facebook. I have asked him about this and he acted shocked and said that him and this Dr. Tavakoli are not the same person. Jerry states that this Dr. Tavakoli stole his identity and he doesn’t want me looking at those pictures. He states he wants us to overlook that and continue on because we are in a good place and he can’t afford to lose me because of this. He then asked me about another picture and asked if I saw that in Dr. Tavakoli’s pictures. I said no so he sent me another one. When I searched Dr. Tavakoli’s facebook profile that picture is in his history also. Dr. Tavakoli is married and has two children. I asked Jerry Kaye if he was married and has children and he said no that he has never been married and has no children. I haven’t let Jerry know I know about this last picture he sent me yet. Is it possible for Jerry Kaye to be Dr. Tavakoli under a different profile? Please advise as I’m conflicted. Thank you.
Yeah, this is a textbook scam. Report it to Facebook and then report it to the authorities.
Quick question? If we search for an image and it does not show up on Google, does that mean that it’s possibly a legit person I’m communicating with? What other searches can I do to try and check up on this person? I don’t want to fall for something that’s not true at all. Help!
Hi there, I looked up images on google and wondered if these men had their identity stolen or were the scammers.
Kathy. While it may be a legitimate person, Google images is great for depicting many photos that have been reported on some other site. There are many excellent anti-scam sites you can connect with; we all post fake profiles, and you will get an idea of many photos that are used frequently that are stolen by Scammers out of Ghana/Nigeria/Malaysia. THE ORIGINAL SCAMMER PHANTOM, ROMANCE SCAMS, TAG LISTED , MILITARY ROMANCE SCAMS, SOLDIERS AGAINST SCAMMERS are just a few. There are many other links that will show up once you get into some of those pages.
They are stealing personal photos directly from cell phones via text. This happened to me. Please be careful.
Don’t try to check up. Find a real person locally that u can meet in a public place a few times. Ask to meet their friends. That’s real. Someone who finds u on Facebook and says you are beautiful with no common contacts that can be verified is dangerous. There are too many people closer to your geography to even risk it. Excessive flattery is a big red danger flag.