Greetings, all. Happy New Year, and hope your holidays were great. It’s January, a time when many people make resolutions to begin dating again, to meet the right person, and, yes, to get on (or get back on) that online dating site and give it another go. If you’re considering online dating, this is a good time to begin.
However, if, like many of you, you’ve been online dating for a while and haven’t found what you’re looking for, you may find the prospect of getting back on repugnant. Or, you get back on, but you do so with a bad attitude and expect to see more crappy profiles and meet more wrong people. In other words, you may have online dating burnout.
Here are some signs you suffer from online dating burnout:
- You’ve been on the same site for over 6 months and haven’t met anyone worthwhile
- You’ve sent tons of emails and haven’t gotten any replies
- You complain to your friends (and even dates) about the people you meet when dating online
- You assume everyone is full of shit online and expect every date to go badly
- You dread the idea of going on yet another meet-and-greet
- You’ve stopped making an effort on meet-and-greets, knowing the date will probably go nowhere
Online dating isn’t easy. The realities of it – dealing with profiles, weeding through so many wrong people to find the right ones, meeting so many strangers, not getting replies to emails – they can wear on anyone. Interestingly, statistics show that most people give up online dating after only a couple of months. They encounter a few challenges and don’t know how to deal with them, so they quit. That solves nothing. At the same time, pressing on when you’re fed up doesn’t work either, as you won’t have the right mindset to meet people.
Once you begin experiencing the signs of online dating burnout, it’s time to make some changes. Here are a few things to try:
Adjust your expectations. Most online dating burnout stems from unrealistic expectations, and most people go in expecting more than online dating can deliver. As I discuss in my books and in other articles I’ve linked here, people don’t always turn out like their profiles and match-based online dating sites don’t always match you with perfect people. Instead, know what to expect, lower your expectations, and treat online dating like an adventure. You’ll enjoy the process much more.
Change your criteria. As I’ve said 100 times, it’s hard to meet people when you have restrictive criteria online. Remember, when online dating, preferences become requirements. You may like tall men, but if you require them, you have eliminated 85% of your pool of men. You may like thin women, but if you only aim for “athletic and toned,” you eliminate a huge number of attractive women. Keep your criteria broad, and see what comes your way.
Switch sites. I spend some time here discussing different online dating sites and what they offer you. However, no matter how good an online dating site is, if you’ve been on it long enough (over a year), you’ve probably exhausted many of your options on there and must wait for new subscribers to show up. Most people only belong to one or two sites, so it can’t hurt to try a new site and check out a new pool of options.
Take a break. I’m a big advocate of taking online dating vacations. After a string of bad dates, bad emails, or other crappy experiences, it’s okay to hide your profile and blow off the site for a few weeks. Or, if your online dating burnout is more severe, let your subscription lapse. Spend some time with friends or try offline dating for a while, just to mix it up. After the challenge of meeting total strangers at coffee houses, meeting someone at a party will seem easy.
Remember, dating when you’re burned out or have a bad attitude won’t get you what you want. Take the above medicine and call us in the morning.