The other day I was talking to male friend about dating, and we started talking about approaching women. Let’s face it: approaching an attractive stranger is about as tough as dating gets. Getting good at it is like getting your black belt in dating.
But he said something interesting. He said that guys are under a lot of pressure to approach women, not knowing if the woman is going to be open to talking or not, and that women don’t understand that. He also said that women don’t experience any pressure in this area, that all women have to do is go out in public and guys will come up to them. In other words, women have it much easier than guys.
I have heard some version of this many times before. If you’re a woman, this should give you an idea of the difficulty men face when they’re single. They feel vulnerable and face serious rejection every time they approach a woman. Try to see things from their point of view – and like I discuss in It’s Not Him, It’s YOU, if you want men to talk to you, you have to give them some kind of signal to show that you’re open to it. A smile or a hello is usually all it takes.
However, if you’re a guy and you’ve felt that women do have it easy in dating, here are a couple of things you should know:
1) It’s not entirely true. Yes, the approach IS hard for a man. But it’s a myth that women, even attractive ones, don’t have to do anything but show up, and they’ll get a date. For one thing, that fear this man talked about prevents most men from making the approach. I know many, MANY good-looking women who rarely get approached by men. For another, a woman who is friendly and attractive may get approached, but rather than a man who interests her, it’s more likely to be some pushy guy who makes her uncomfortable or some guy old enough to be her dad. This is more often what women deal with. And women feel just as nervous at the prospect of going up to an attractive man and talking to him.
2) You have the wrong mindset. As I discuss in Changing Your Game, mindset is everything if you want to succeed with women. When it comes to challenges like this, there are 2 ways to think about it: you can focus on the problem, or you can focus on solving the problem. One way to solve the problem is to learn effective techniques for making an approach. Some places are better than others to approach women, and some techniques are more effective than others. Another way is to talk to women friends about their dating lives – if you do, you will understand their dating struggles and realize women find dating tough too. Understanding women’s perspective is one way to succeed with them.
Breaking the ice is the toughest part. If you aren’t meeting who you want to meet, it’s time to make a change.
What do you all think? What’s the best way to meet people when you’re single?