Okay, Intellectual Badasses! It’s Day 5 of 30 Days of Dating Advice for IBs. The first four days covered the importance of mindset, that “inner game” that provides the foundation upon which to build dating skills. Now, it’s time to move on to some IB Dating fundamentals, starting with one of the most fundamental questions of all:
“Where do I meet people?”
Yes, in our adult lives, we don’t always get out much. We’re at work, we’re at the gym where no one talks to each other, or we’re at home reading one of our many books, playing World of Warcraft, or watching Star Wars: The Next Generation re-runs while waiting for Game of Thrones to show up in that red Netflix envelope. Okay, maybe that last one is just me. Anyway, you have to get out of your usual routine if you want to meet people.
Truth is, you can meet other singles pretty much anywhere. And if I were like many dating experts, I would give you a bunch of tips on how to pick up a stranger in a bar, on the street, or at some other place that makes you uncomfortable. But I won’t. I like to think I know something about people, and most people don’t want to meet others in environments where they feel ill at ease. And if you feel ill at ease, your probability of success goes way down. This is such an important topic – both for meeting AND approaching people – I devote some detailed chapters to this in Changing Your Game.
Instead, I want you to look in places that meet two criteria: 1) single people go there, and 2) the venue encourages socializing, which puts people at ease. Here are some examples:
Work or School
Many people discourage dating at work. I don’t. The workplace encourages people to interact, and saying hello to others is considered good manners. The workplace is also a good way to get to know someone before dating them, which is more comfortable than dating a stranger. And you already have something in common, especially if you work in an IB-rich field like science, technology, or education.
The trick is to avoid dating anyone you work with every day, and focus on people in different departments, on different floors, in different divisions, or even those who work for other companies your company does business with. Go to every seminar, conference, party, or picnic your company offers. Organize lunch outings or happy hours with others to get to know them better.
Likewise, take a class on some topic that interests you or you want to improve on. It’s a great way to meet people, and you can form study groups or go out for a beer after class.
Social Clubs and Meetups
These are places that attract singles and also heavily encourage socializing. In fact, socializing with others is the whole point. And socializing can lead to more.
What are you into? I’m a writer, and I’ve been working on a science fiction trilogy, so I joined a speculative fiction writing group. Great group, great people (most of whom are single), and, better yet, chock full of IBs.
Whether you love books, film, games, etc, there are others who do too. I got on Meetup.com and searched the words “geek Denver” and found a ton of interesting groups, including groups for people who enjoy games, zombies, horror films, food, books… you get the point.
And don’t forget annual events in your interest area, such as Comic-Con or your region’s book conference. Hell, I’ve heard Comic-Con is a bastion of singles looking to meet others, and it’s easy to do so in a fun environment.
Athletic and Outdoors Groups
Again, filled with single people and socializing is heavily encouraged. It’s okay to go up and talk to people you don’t know. Introduce yourself. Ask how long they’ve been in the group. Ask about their favorite place to run or their favorite hike.
They have groups for pretty much every athletic and outdoor activity: skiing, cycling, running, hiking, walking, swimming, team sports…. I’ve noticed that certain sports are often heavily populated with IBs, especially individual or goal-oriented sports such as running, hiking, and climbing/mountaineering.
Finally, there’s online dating. Clearly, filled with single people. And while socializing is challenging online, dating is what’s on the menu and you don’t have to risk someone saying they aren’t looking to date or that they’re married. And, there are niche dating sites that cater to IBs! Stayed tuned for more information about online dating – I will devote many of the 30-Day blogs to this topic!
Overall, get out there and try a few new things. You may not meet someone right away; but you’ll have fun in the mean time, and the more people you know, the greater your odds of eventually meeting someone.
Also, while hoping to meet someone date-worthy may motivate you to put down your book and get out there, you don’t want to go with that goal driving your behavior. You don’t want to be the person who’s only there to see who you can hit in. That usually backfires. Instead, go to meet people, to have fun, to learn, to get in shape… Then, if you meet some potentials, you can make your move.
Okay IBs: Where are good places to meet people (including other IBs)? Share your ideas!