Alright, IBs… it’s Day 21 of 30 Days of Dating Advice for Intellectual Badasses. We’re into the crazy, unpredictable, daunting world of online dating right now. Let’s face it: online dating can be a big suckfest. It’s a place where many singles put more emphasis on others’ hotness, height, or income rather than on attributes that actually predict relationship success. In this environment, the IB may struggle to find like-minded people or have their awesomeness recognized.
So, for the next two days, we’re going to talk about how the IB can rise above the fray and meet great people online. We already talked about adjusting your expectations (a vastly important step in and of itself) and not letting your criteria stand in your way. Today, we’ll talk about how to stand out from the crowd online. And tomorrow? How to find like-minded people online.
I periodically get online and read online dating profiles, both men’s and women’s. And I rarely come across a profile that impresses me. Sure, I’m a tough crowd. That’s my job. Some profiles just suck and need to be deleted immediately. But most profiles are actually quite decent, but all have one thing in common:
They sound like everyone else. They lack interesting details. And you don’t get any sense of who that person really is. And if you sound like everyone else, you won’t get as much traffic, and, even more importantly, you won’t draw your people to you. As I discuss in Changing Your Game and Find The Love of Your Life Online, you have to get show people your unique self if you want to succeed online.
Interestingly, the Intellectual Badass has some advantage online. When you’re smart, cerebral, intellectual, shy, or introverted, it’s harder to convey your unique awesomeness when dating conventionally. When dating online, you have an opportunity to use your keen mind to intrigue and draw people in through your profile. I’m not talking about making yourself sound better than you are – I’m talking about giving the online dating world a glimpse into your unique world.
A Few Things to Try
- Read other people’s profiles. Men, read men’s profiles. Women, read women’s. You’ll soon see how uninteresting most of them are.
- Read this article on how to de-generic your profile.
- Don’t say you like to read. Mention specific books, especially your favorites, no matter how weird or controversial.
- Are you a techy or engineer? Tell people what you do, ideally using everyday language. It doesn’t matter if others are fascinated by it – it’s unique and shows you have specialized knowledge.
- Are you a scientist? Briefly describe your body of work and why you love it. You’d be surprised how many people are interested in a scientist’s work and want to be clued in on what it’s all about.
- Have esoteric interests or hobbies? Do you collect Star Trek or Green Lantern memorabilia, belong to a LARP (Live Action Role Playing) or knitting group, design your own clothes? Put it out there.
- What do you love to watch on TV? Mention it, no matter how bizarre. I guarantee you others watch it too.
- Have a funny story? Allude to it, then offer to tell the rest when you meet in person.
- Traveled to amazing places? Mention them.
Don’t these sound FAR more interesting than telling people you enjoy walks on the beach/spending time with friends, that you’re a caring/funny/sarcastic person who lives life to the fullest/works hard and plays hard/enjoys the outdoors? Why sound like everyone else when you can sound like YOU?
Sure, some people will run away when they read some of these things. But others will be drawn to you. I know one guy who loaded his online profile filled with Nerd Stuff, such as references to Star Trek and details about his favorite games. Dude got all kinds of emails.
Finally, experiment. Try out different write-ups and see which ones draw in the cool people. The bonus of doing this is that, with many dating sites, when you revise your profile you go to the front of the pack during searches, making yourself more visible.
Try it. Then, let us know what happens!!
Some useful links: