Hello Christie,
I am a shy, introverted IB and TNG (according to MBTI typology, I am an INTJ). My dating Kryptonites are overthinking, shyness and social awkwardness. But I have also difficulties in leading with masculinity. It is easy for me to tone down my emotions (in fact, I have difficulties in expressing them and in behaving in “emotional” situations, because I am much more rational than spontaneous), but not to be confident and take control.

Because of my social awkwardness, in some social situations I don’t know what to do, I am sometimes confused, insecure or clueless. Because of I tend to overthink everything, it is sometimes diffucult to figure it out in a way I am content with. Even if I do, sometimes I am not able to realize it because of my shyness. Sometimes is it caused by the fact that I am not sure what I want, but mostly because I simply don’t know what to do. In many cases, I can prepare in advance, but it is impossible to solve that way all possible situations. I don’t like improvization and I am not good at it and I don’t like taking a risk as well. However, it is diffucult to take control, If I don’t know what to do. Read More

Happy almost-Valentines Day, for those who care about it. For those who don’t, happy Spring-is-Coming-Soon. Occasionally, various dating sites will send me lists, infographics, or other information I might find interesting or valuable. So I selected a few that offered interesting info and will pass them on to you. I also hand-picked a few from some good peeps on Twitter. Let’s call it… Christie’s Digest ;).

 

V-Day rom-coms that men won’t mind watching

 

V-Day DOs and DON’Ts for singles

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So I’ve written many posts on OkCupid’s interesting data crunching, and their even more interesting results. Anyone can give you their opinion on what it takes to succeed in online dating; but offering up hard data… well, it doesn’t get much better than that, especially when the results aren’t what we expect.

A friend sent me a great link on Twitter today. Wired magazine has crunched data from OkCupid and Match.com to come of with the things that create online dating success. This one is all about the written portion of the profile: what words, interests, hobbies, movies, and music will titillate others and generate more attention, emails, and options?

The punch line (and the title of the article on Slate) is:

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Happy Monday, all! Hope you all had a great start to your New Year.

It’s been some time since I’ve posted an article here. To a great extent, the lag time between posts will continue to be this long. I am putting my efforts into some new endeavors, including my fiction writing and new blog that will focus on film and books (particularly science fiction). Of course, if this interests you, join in! Otherwise, I am still active on Twitter and will periodically distribute information here if I think you can benefit from it.

But on to my topic. Anyone who’s ever dated knows that it comes with challenges and difficulties. We’ve all dealt with rejection, being blown off, people who don’t follow the same dating rules we do, misunderstandings about the other sex, etc. It can be tough. I know; I’ve been there.

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Dear Christie,
I’ve been reading your books (and have many other dating advice in the last few years) but there’s one thing I don’t seem to find anyone mentioning.

With online dating, the first date is the first time both sides meet. The advice says that if he sends that “Nice to meet you but…” text afterwards, move on. I’ve been happy and confident with myself to do that in the past.

But two weekends ago, I had another first date and not only did I really like this guy, but two things happened. First, I was so taken aback inside myself at how much I liked him that I got very shy and couldn’t flirt (and all the usual good stuff). Second, perhaps more so as a female, I am careful (cautious?) on first dates. If I feel I like the guy, then the second date is where I can let my side of the chemistry spark and show my attraction.

So what happens when the female needs that second date to safely show her attraction , but he has eliminated the chance with his immediate decision. I’m re-reading your book, “Its Not Him, It’s YOU” book this week, and I find myself searching for this question, but everyone always skims over it.

Would love to hear your thoughts.

Candice

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