Friendship with the Ex, Part 2: How To Do It


Recently I talked about whether or not friendship with an ex is a good idea. It’s clear from the comments, and comments I get on Twitter, Facebook, and on other articles, that people have greatly differing opinions on this.

Whether or not you can — or want to — be friends with your ex is up to you. It depends on your unique situation. If you do want to, however, simply saying, “Hey, let’s be friends” isn’t often enough. You have to abide by a few guidelines if you want the friendship to work.  read more…

Online Dating and Economics

For many years now, economists have become hot. Okay, perhaps not hot in the “I wanna get me some of that” way, but in the “come up with an interesting way to look at society, put it in a book, and possibly even become a bestseller” way. My first recollection of an economics-based book making headlines was Freakonomics; now, you can’t throw a casual glance at the “new hardcover” section of the bookstore without at least three economist-penned tomes jumping out at you.

Not surprisingly, economics has turned its attentions to online dating. And why not? Online dating is an economic force, both in the financial sense as well as the social sense. And, economic principles lend themselves very well to online dating. Remember some of your Econ 101 ideas such as the importance of supply and demand, the power of scarcity, market size and specificity, weighing costs vs. benefits, the power of incentives, and the necessity of making trade-offs? Well, they all apply quite elegantly in online dating. For example:  read more…

Friendship with the Ex: Yes or No?


Good news: I finally released the 2nd edition of Dating the Divorced Man. It’s got all the useful information from the first edition, but I reworked it and added more examples and material based on everything I learned from coaching clients. A satisfying endeavor to finish that, for sure!

One of the topics I address in the book is friendship with an ex. After all, every separated and divorced man has an ex. And exes you were married to usually have much more pull than ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. This blog has many articles on dating after divorce, some of which are heavily frequented by readers. My most commented article, by far, is on how much contact is appropriate with an ex. When does friendliness become friendship? And when does friendship become a problem?

read more…

Shy, Introverted, and a Failure with Women: What To Do?

Hello Christie,
I am a shy, introverted IB and TNG (according to MBTI typology, I am an INTJ). My dating Kryptonites are overthinking, shyness and social awkwardness. But I have also difficulties in leading with masculinity. It is easy for me to tone down my emotions (in fact, I have difficulties in expressing them and in behaving in “emotional” situations, because I am much more rational than spontaneous), but not to be confident and take control.

Because of my social awkwardness, in some social situations I don’t know what to do, I am sometimes confused, insecure or clueless. Because of I tend to overthink everything, it is sometimes diffucult to figure it out in a way I am content with. Even if I do, sometimes I am not able to realize it because of my shyness. Sometimes is it caused by the fact that I am not sure what I want, but mostly because I simply don’t know what to do. In many cases, I can prepare in advance, but it is impossible to solve that way all possible situations. I don’t like improvization and I am not good at it and I don’t like taking a risk as well. However, it is diffucult to take control, If I don’t know what to do. read more…

Christie’s Digest… V-Day Edition

Happy almost-Valentines Day, for those who care about it. For those who don’t, happy Spring-is-Coming-Soon. Occasionally, various dating sites will send me lists, infographics, or other information I might find interesting or valuable. So I selected a few that offered interesting info and will pass them on to you. I also hand-picked a few from some good peeps on Twitter. Let’s call it… Christie’s Digest ;).


V-Day rom-coms that men won’t mind watching


V-Day DOs and DON’Ts for singles

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Achieving Online Dating Success: Does it Help to Avoid Gender Stereotypes?

So I’ve written many posts on OkCupid’s interesting data crunching, and their even more interesting results. Anyone can give you their opinion on what it takes to succeed in online dating; but offering up hard data… well, it doesn’t get much better than that, especially when the results aren’t what we expect.

A friend sent me a great link on Twitter today. Wired magazine has crunched data from OkCupid and to come of with the things that create online dating success. This one is all about the written portion of the profile: what words, interests, hobbies, movies, and music will titillate others and generate more attention, emails, and options?

The punch line (and the title of the article on Slate) is:

read more…

Christie Hartman, PhD


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