Online Dating, Attraction, and Race


I haven’t spent much time discussing race in dating. For one, it hasn’t been a big issue in my single life or in my work as a dating expert. Which is not surprising, considering that I’m white, and race is a more salient issue for minorities. For another, race is a huge topic, one that’s difficult to address in even a series of articles.

But after taking a gander over to OkCupid’s blog again and seeing that they’ve done an interesting (and telling) series of analyses examining race and online dating, I thought I would bring it up.

For myself, I mostly dated white guys during my single years, not because I had an issue dating minorities, but because the world I inhabited was comprised primarily of white men. This changed when I began dating online and men of other ethnicities contacted me. Yes, I went out with men of color, and I’m glad I did. read more…

Dating the Divorced Man: The Plight of the First Wife

imgresOn this blog, I have an entire category of articles entitled “Dating and Divorce.” These articles span various topics related to dating after a divorce, but most are devoted to a specialty area of mine: dating separated and divorced men. Many of the articles in that folder represent my most frequented and most commented articles. I published Dating the Divorced Man in 2007 and it’s now it its 2nd edition. Clearly, this is a topic many people can relate to.

Most of the comments from these article are stories from women who have suffered difficulties dating a separated or divorced man. The women share their stories, advise and support one another, and I chime in when I can and when I feel it’s appropriate.

However, on rare occasion I get a comment not from a woman dating one of these men, but from a “first wife,” the woman a divorced man was once married to (or, in some cases, still in the process of divorcing). And while the articles aren’t written for the first wife, I like these comments because they provide another point of view. For example: read more…

Christie’s Digest: V-Day Edition, 2015


Greetings, all. It’s been a while since I’ve put together a “digest” of interesting articles. These will include articles I was part of as well as others that I just found worth reading. Enjoy, and have a fun Cupid’s Day!


Podcast Interview with Justin from Giving Shy Guys Game

I had a nice long interview with Justin about everything from dating after divorce to whether there really is such thing as an alpha male.

read more…

Mobile Dating Apps: The Case for Tinder

imgresThese days, everyone’s dating online. In addition, more and more people are mobile dating, i.e. using their phones or other portable devices to find nearby singles. And probably one of the most well-known mobile dating apps is Tinder.

Tinder allows you to sign up through Facebook and use your Facebook pics and a brief write-up as your profile. It searches for other singles in your area at any given time. Once it finds one, you have a choice to make: if you don’t like what you see, you swipe left. If you do, you swipe right. If he or she does the same for you, you begin to figure out a time/place to meet. It’s that simple. read more…

Nice Guys and Girls, Part 2: The Dark Side of Being Nice

imagesLast time I wrote about niceness, and why it seems to backfire with some people. It generated a great discussion on Facebook, which made me think some more about what niceness is and why it can be a problem.

I will begin with this: all good traits have a problematic side, and niceness is no exception.

Let’s take optimism: optimistic people tend to be happier, more successful, and more able to handle the ups and downs of real life. However, too much optimism is a problem when you refuse to see the signs of looming problems or think that all will work out instead of planning for potential disaster.

read more…

An Ode to the Nice Guys and Girls


Ross Geller from Friends, hoping to take Rachel to prom when her jerk boyfriend pulled a No-Show

“Nice guys finish last.”

Who hasn’t heard this dusty old aphorism? It’s been around longer than most of us. These days, the die hard PUAs will tell you without compunction that being a Nice Guy is the Kiss of Death, the painful road to a celibate life or at least a life of achieving only AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) status.

And guys aren’t the only one who get this message. Ever heard of the book Why Men Love Bitches? Yes, there is such a book and yes, it’s a bestseller, peeps. And yes, I’ve read it; It’s just the die hard PUA stuff in reverse.

So, modern wisdom would tell us that women don’t like nice guys and men don’t respect nice girls. And we can call bullshit and laugh at such gamey, cynical crap and expound the awesomeness of good people… and we would be right to do so. Totally right. read more…

Christie Hartman, PhD


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