One of the most common concerns I hear from women dating divorced men is something relating to his ex. Perhaps she’s still in the picture. Or she’s not in the picture but she bugs you anyway. Or maybe she doesn’t like you, or uses the kids as pawns to manipulate your boyfriend, or he’s talking to her or helping her more often than you feel comfortable with.
Many exes aren’t a problem. But when she is a problem, even a minor problem, the most common reason is a rather simple one:
She isn’t over him yet.
This is a confusing concept to many. People often believe that if an ex isn’t over you, it must mean they still love you or want you back. Sometimes, that’s actually the case. But other times, it’s only that he or she simply hasn’t let go of you, your relationship, or the “idea” of you yet.
Happy Thursday all! I just got done with Denver Comic Con last weekend. It was a BLAST… even more fun than last year, and I didn’t think that was possible! It doesn’t hurt that I sold all but 5 of my books 🙂
Here are a few new announcements:
First, the new edition of Dating the Divorced Man could use some more Amazon reviews! Reviews mean the world to me and to both past and future readers. Readers love to know what other readers thought about a book: what they liked, what didn’t work for them, how the book helped them personally. A review doesn’t need to be long or amazing… just honest. Here is the link on Amazon… and thanks a million!
How To Pick Up a Single Dad
On the “dating the divorced man” theme, I am quoted in a fun article on how to pick up a single dad. Hey, there are lots of them out there and they would love to meet the right girl. Single dads, assuming they’re moved on from their divorces, can be great partners. Those of you who are parents know how much maturity and responsibility goes into raising kids… that same maturity will benefit your relationship as well.
6 Signs He’s Definitely Flirting with You
And, finally, Women’s Health Mag did an online article on signs that a man is flirting with (or attracted to) you. You’d be surprised how clueless most women are when it comes to this, and my years-old blog article “Signs a Man is Interested in You, Part I” is still my most viewed article by far.
Check out the article on the Women’s Health site here…
Whenever you see a friend or family member end a relationship or marriage and immediately get involved with someone new, what is your first thought?
But What is Rebounding, Exactly?
Rebounding occurs when the loss of a relationship creates a sizable void in your life, and you do what most people do when they encounter a void in their personal life: FILL IT. If you’re hungry, you crave food. If you’re thirsty, you crave water. And if you’ve suddenly lost a person you’ve been with for months or years, you crave human connection.
This is true even if the relationship/marriage wasn’t working, even if you wanted it to end, even if you haven’t felt close to your partner in years. Many people don’t realize that a bond with another person changes you, in that you become linked with him or her. Once you break that link, your mind and body must readjust. It’s much like when you quit smoking or drinking caffeine — the initial withdrawals can be brutal, but eventually your body adapts to its new conditions.
I don’t typically write about current events, particularly mass murders. The last time I did, it was when a young neuroscientist-in-training took out a bunch of innocent people at the Batman movie premiere in 2012. As a scientist, nerd, and Coloradoan, that one hit home on many levels. And when I was out of town this weekend and heard that some kid went on a shooting rampage at UC Santa Barbara because no girls wanted to sleep with him, I shook my head in disgust. Not just because of the senseless killings, but because of the disturbing, self-entitled tirade that preceded them.
To be honest, I wanted nothing to do with it. But apparently this particular event has generated a huge discussion on all the major websites, on Twitter, and probably everywhere else. And why? Because of his “reasons” for the murders. He resented women for rejecting him, and men for being chosen instead of him, so he killed them. This murderer was an active member of some PUA (Pick-up Artist) and MRA (Men’s Rights Activist) communities, and his rants had the all-too-familiar tags of someone who’d spent far too much time there. [CORRECTION: It seems he was a member of PUA HATE, a site that criticized PUAs but is considered by some to represent the negative aspects of PUA and MRA beliefs/criticisms about women. Much of his manifesto reflected some of these beliefs.] read more…
Whenever I get together with a crowd of women and discuss men and dating, particularly if the women are educated professionals, inevitably one woman will ask this question:
Why are men threatened by strong, successful women?
You’ve probably heard the stories: the woman whose partner didn’t like that she out-earned him, the power-suited woman who got overlooked for young waitress with the ample bosom, or the guy who got offended because a woman out-argued him about the pros and cons of Obamacare. What’s the deal? Are guys really threatened by successful women? Do they really prefer a submissive girl with fewer accomplishments so they can feel superior and special? Are their egos that fragile? Some would say yes.
But I say NO.
Color impacts us. It has a clear effect on our brains, our moods, and our appearance. There’s a reason why people don’t paint their bedrooms in bright colors — they’re too energizing. There’s a reason why banks tend to stick with cool neutrals in their interiors and on their websites — colors such as navy and white connote safety, respect, trustworthiness.
Not surprisingly, what you wear on a date or in your online dating profile photo can send a message about you. The right color can impact the other person. Or, at the very least, it can make you stand out. If you’ve followed this blog for some time, or you follow my tweets, you know I’m a fan of wearing COLOR on dates and in your online dating photos. By “color,” I mean a non-neutral (i.e. anything but gray, brown, beige, tan, etc). This is especially important for men, who tend to wear subtler colors and avoid anything ostentatious… but if they go too far they can look bland.
Take these photos I found of Ben Affleck: