Dating and Introversion: The Burden of Small Talk

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This well-known book was written by an engineer who’d learned to perfect her own gift of gab. I’ve met her and she’s pretty cool.

One of the things I hear over and over from introverted singles is that they hate small talk. This isn’t too surprising, as a dislike for or lack of skill with small talk is a common defining trait of introversion. Extroverts are the ones with the gift of gab, the ones who can talk to strangers about anything and always have something to say. Why? Because they love to talk! They enjoy the stimulation of shooting the breeze with other people, whether the talk is big or small. Introverts, on the other hand, may struggle with this.

Needless to say, difficulty with small talk can be a problem in dating. Dating, by its very nature, requires you to talk to strangers and make small talk. If this is something you hate or aren’t good at, you may find yourself either disliking the dating process or avoiding it altogether. After all, when you meet new singles, there’s small talk. When you go out on a date, there’s small talk. When you chat on an online dating site… yes, more small talk. It may feel like a conspiracy to keep you single.

read more…

On Dating Your Intellectual Equal

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Ross and Rachel: cute but not intellectually compatible…

I haven’t written an IB (Intellectual Badass) article in a long time. But for some reason, the idea of intellectual compatibility has been rolling around in my mind for a while. What is intellectual compatibility? Is it important to date someone on your intellectual level? If so, how does that look?

 

Intelligent vs. Intellectual

I have a saying: Chemistry gets a relationship started, but Compatibility keeps it going. If you’re tired of “flame out” relationships that start great and then go to shit, chances are you aren’t dating people you’re compatible with. As I talk about in my books, compatibility is necessary for a strong relationship that lasts. read more…

Online Dating, Attraction, and Race

 

I haven’t spent much time discussing race in dating. For one, it hasn’t been a big issue in my single life or in my work as a dating expert. Which is not surprising, considering that I’m white, and race is a more salient issue for minorities. For another, race is a huge topic, one that’s difficult to address in even a series of articles.

But after taking a gander over to OkCupid’s blog again and seeing that they’ve done an interesting (and telling) series of analyses examining race and online dating, I thought I would bring it up.

For myself, I mostly dated white guys during my single years, not because I had an issue dating minorities, but because the world I inhabited was comprised primarily of white men. This changed when I began dating online and men of other ethnicities contacted me. Yes, I went out with men of color, and I’m glad I did. read more…

Dating the Divorced Man: The Plight of the First Wife

imgresOn this blog, I have an entire category of articles entitled “Dating and Divorce.” These articles span various topics related to dating after a divorce, but most are devoted to a specialty area of mine: dating separated and divorced men. Many of the articles in that folder represent my most frequented and most commented articles. I published Dating the Divorced Man in 2007 and it’s now it its 2nd edition. Clearly, this is a topic many people can relate to.

Most of the comments from these article are stories from women who have suffered difficulties dating a separated or divorced man. The women share their stories, advise and support one another, and I chime in when I can and when I feel it’s appropriate.

However, on rare occasion I get a comment not from a woman dating one of these men, but from a “first wife,” the woman a divorced man was once married to (or, in some cases, still in the process of divorcing). And while the articles aren’t written for the first wife, I like these comments because they provide another point of view. For example: read more…

Christie’s Digest: V-Day Edition, 2015

 

Greetings, all. It’s been a while since I’ve put together a “digest” of interesting articles. These will include articles I was part of as well as others that I just found worth reading. Enjoy, and have a fun Cupid’s Day!

 

Podcast Interview with Justin from Giving Shy Guys Game

I had a nice long interview with Justin about everything from dating after divorce to whether there really is such thing as an alpha male.

read more…

Mobile Dating Apps: The Case for Tinder

imgresThese days, everyone’s dating online. In addition, more and more people are mobile dating, i.e. using their phones or other portable devices to find nearby singles. And probably one of the most well-known mobile dating apps is Tinder.

Tinder allows you to sign up through Facebook and use your Facebook pics and a brief write-up as your profile. It searches for other singles in your area at any given time. Once it finds one, you have a choice to make: if you don’t like what you see, you swipe left. If you do, you swipe right. If he or she does the same for you, you begin to figure out a time/place to meet. It’s that simple. read more…

Christie Hartman, PhD

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