Core Values, and Why They’re Crucial to Relationship Success

Greetings and Happy Monday, peeps. In continuing on with our Get Your Personal Shit Together September, today I’m going to talk about values. What they are, why they matter, and how they’re important to having awesome dating and relationships.

What are values? One dictionary definition is that they’re “a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.” Pretty basic, but these simple definitions are important. Our principles and the things that are important to us define us. They define how we choose to live, and with whom we choose to share our lives. And our “core” values are the ones that define us most, that represent the core of who we are. We all have them. When we live by them, our lives have purpose and meaning. When we don’t, life gets shitty.

So, know your core values and live by them. Simple, right? Yeah… not always.

Many of us are unaware of our deepest values. Others confuse values with preferences or hobbies or goals and wind up seeking happiness in the wrong things. Or, we focus too much on certain values to the detriment of others. Or, we’re well aware of our values but we ignore them because some internal conflict tells us other things are more important.

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Dating, Relationships, and Self-Entitlement

 

Well hello, Friday! And hello to all of you.

We’re only a few articles into the September blog extravaganza, and we’ve already covered some pretty heady topics. Monday talked about why dating and relationship success is an inside job. Wednesday got into taking full responsibility for your love life and happiness. Today, we’ll talk about entitlement.

I know. Pretty heavy stuff… even negative in some ways. But I’m a firm believer in a solid foundation. We start with the hard stuff, our attitudes and belief systems, because those provide the foundation for the more practical advice.

So. Entitlement. Just the word brings a sneer to the lips. No one likes a self-entitled person. No one likes someone who’s narcissistic and believes they deserve special or better than the rest of us. Yet, the world is full of them and the U.S. is particularly full of them. We live in a culture that promotes self-entitlement in some ways. This is why so many other countries have “ugly American” jokes, referring to how some Americans act when they travel abroad.

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What it Means to “Take Responsibility” for Your Love Life

 

Since we’ve made September “Work on Your Personal Shit” Month, I can’t go too far without bringing up a topic fundamental to fostering your own success:

Taking responsibility for your life.

Over 10 years ago, I read Jack Canfield’s Success Principles. (BTW, I’m a big fan of this book. Following Success Principles got me to submit my first book, Dating the Divorced Man, for publication. Eleven years later, as of this date, I have 11 books published and a 12th in the pipe. That shit works). Anyway, Canfield’s book has 67 success principles in it. You know what #1 is? Taking 100% responsibility for your life.

Before you do much of anything, before you can supercharge your dating life or repair that troubled marriage or achieve what you want in life, you have to do this. You have to take full responsibility for your life. If you don’t, you will only achieve partial success, if any.

But what does it mean to “take responsibility” for your life?

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Why Dating and Relationship Success is an Inside Job

 

Greetings! Happy Labor Day.

As promised, I’ve begun my September blog extravaganza, which will be devoted to personal success and being our best selves. Or, to put it differently, getting our personal shit together.

Why is getting your personal shit together important? Because what you think, what you believe, and what you do every day — whether it’s how you spend your spare time, or what job you have, or your deepest beliefs about men and women — will have a huge impact on your love life.

That’s what I mean when I say that dating and relationship success is an inside-out job. If you work on yourself, improvement in your love life will follow. You’ll attract better people. Dating will be less painful. Relationships will be more successful. You’ll still have challenges, because that’s life, but you’ll see real improvement. The more you improve your self, the better results you’ll achieve.

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Be Ready!

 

Hey everyone!

Happy almost Labor Day. Hope you all have some fun (or at least relaxing) plans for the weekend. I know I do. I’m just getting over a REALLY busy period (including solar eclipses and finishing up another fiction book), and I’m freaking tired, which means I’m going to be a LAZY-ASS all weekend.

 

But I do have some fun news:

September is going to be a great month. Why? Because I’m making some of those changes I’ve been hinting about for a while now.

The website is getting an update (finally). I’m getting a new headshot (no, my hair isn’t that short anymore!). And….. I’m beginning a big blog extravaganza for September. For the next several months, each month will have a “theme” in terms of what sort of articles I’ll be writing.

September will be about personal success… how we can work on ourselves in a way that makes us better partners in dating and in our relationships.

October will focus on communication, everything from the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse to understanding body language.

In November (and probably December) I will focus on mental health, mental illness, and how they impact dating and relationships. This is a big topic that may require more than a month.

January 2 is World Introvert Day, so that month may be devoted to introversion topics.

You get the point.

So, get ready. Starting Monday, I will be laboring for you on Labor Day. For September, blogs will come three times per week. It’s going to be informative, and it’s going to be fun. Join in and be part of the conversation. This is a no-troll site, so you don’t have to worry about some dumbass insulting you. That shit doesn’t fly here.

Have a great holiday weekend… and I’ll see you Monday.

Christie

Bad Parenting: Curse, or Blessing?

Ricky and his father, hashing it out.

I don’t watch sports. I don’t care about football or the NFL. I have no interest in hot chicks. But for reasons that are hard to explain (even to myself), I watch HBO’s Ballers.

In Ballers, The Rock plays a former NFL player who stumbled into the financial advising industry to help other players avoid pissing away their income during their brief stints playing professional ball (a lesson he learned the hard way).

One of the players The Rock’s character represents is Ricky. Ricky is impulsive, temperamental, and selfish. He has talent but a lot of growing up to do. He also has daddy issues, as his father bailed on him and his mother when he was still in diapers. Toward the end of the first season, Ricky gets real during an interview and shares his resentment toward his father with the world. Sure enough, Dad—a former NFL player himself who saw the broadcast—shows up to confront Ricky and an interesting conversation ensues.

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Christie Hartman, PhD

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