Are Men Threatened by Strong, Successful Women?

 

Whenever I get together with a crowd of women and discuss men and dating, particularly if the women are educated professionals, inevitably one woman will ask this question:

Why are men threatened by strong, successful women?

You’ve probably heard the stories: the woman whose partner didn’t like that she out-earned him, the power-suited woman who got overlooked for young waitress with the ample bosom, or the guy who got offended because a woman out-argued him about the pros and cons of Obamacare. What’s the deal? Are guys really threatened by successful women? Do they really prefer a submissive girl with fewer accomplishments so they can feel superior and special? Are their egos that fragile? Some would say yes.

But I say NO.

read more…

Dating and the Psychology of Color

Color impacts us. It has a clear effect on our brains, our moods, and our appearance. There’s a reason why people don’t paint their bedrooms in bright colors — they’re too energizing. There’s a reason why banks tend to stick with cool neutrals in their interiors and on their websites — colors such as navy and white connote safety, respect, trustworthiness.

Not surprisingly, what you wear on a date or in your online dating profile photo can send a message about you. The right color can impact the other person. Or, at the very least, it can make you stand out. If you’ve followed this blog for some time, or you follow my tweets, you know I’m a fan of wearing COLOR on dates and in your online dating photos. By “color,” I mean a non-neutral (i.e. anything but gray, brown, beige, tan, etc). This is especially important for men, who tend to wear subtler colors and avoid anything ostentatious… but if they go too far they can look bland.

Take these photos I found of Ben Affleck:

images read more…

Friendship with the Ex, Part 2: How To Do It

 

Recently I talked about whether or not friendship with an ex is a good idea. It’s clear from the comments, and comments I get on Twitter, Facebook, and on other articles, that people have greatly differing opinions on this.

Whether or not you can — or want to — be friends with your ex is up to you. It depends on your unique situation. If you do want to, however, simply saying, “Hey, let’s be friends” isn’t often enough. You have to abide by a few guidelines if you want the friendship to work.  read more…

Online Dating and Economics

For many years now, economists have become hot. Okay, perhaps not hot in the “I wanna get me some of that” way, but in the “come up with an interesting way to look at society, put it in a book, and possibly even become a bestseller” way. My first recollection of an economics-based book making headlines was Freakonomics; now, you can’t throw a casual glance at the “new hardcover” section of the bookstore without at least three economist-penned tomes jumping out at you.

Not surprisingly, economics has turned its attentions to online dating. And why not? Online dating is an economic force, both in the financial sense as well as the social sense. And, economic principles lend themselves very well to online dating. Remember some of your Econ 101 ideas such as the importance of supply and demand, the power of scarcity, market size and specificity, weighing costs vs. benefits, the power of incentives, and the necessity of making trade-offs? Well, they all apply quite elegantly in online dating. For example:  read more…

Friendship with the Ex: Yes or No?

 

Good news: I finally released the 2nd edition of Dating the Divorced Man. It’s got all the useful information from the first edition, but I reworked it and added more examples and material based on everything I learned from coaching clients. A satisfying endeavor to finish that, for sure!

One of the topics I address in the book is friendship with an ex. After all, every separated and divorced man has an ex. And exes you were married to usually have much more pull than ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends. This blog has many articles on dating after divorce, some of which are heavily frequented by readers. My most commented article, by far, is on how much contact is appropriate with an ex. When does friendliness become friendship? And when does friendship become a problem?

read more…

Shy, Introverted, and a Failure with Women: What To Do?

Hello Christie,
I am a shy, introverted IB and TNG (according to MBTI typology, I am an INTJ). My dating Kryptonites are overthinking, shyness and social awkwardness. But I have also difficulties in leading with masculinity. It is easy for me to tone down my emotions (in fact, I have difficulties in expressing them and in behaving in “emotional” situations, because I am much more rational than spontaneous), but not to be confident and take control.

Because of my social awkwardness, in some social situations I don’t know what to do, I am sometimes confused, insecure or clueless. Because of I tend to overthink everything, it is sometimes diffucult to figure it out in a way I am content with. Even if I do, sometimes I am not able to realize it because of my shyness. Sometimes is it caused by the fact that I am not sure what I want, but mostly because I simply don’t know what to do. In many cases, I can prepare in advance, but it is impossible to solve that way all possible situations. I don’t like improvization and I am not good at it and I don’t like taking a risk as well. However, it is diffucult to take control, If I don’t know what to do. read more…

Christie Hartman, PhD

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