For those of you who are dating online — and I know there are many of you — you probably know how it feels when you meet a potential date in person and they don’t quite look like the picture. Often they are:
- Older in person (i.e. they posted an old photo)
- Heavier in person (they posted a photo from when they were thinner)
- Less attractive in person (they posted a photo that’s over-glamorized or otherwise not a realistic portrayal of them)
I know. It gets old, dealing with these deceptive people. Time and time again I encourage people to be honest in their pics and profiles. They’re going to find out the truth anyway! And when they do, they will only see you as, at best, insecure about yourself, and at worst, delusional. I say, have some damned pride in yourself and accept that you aren’t perfect. But, alas, not everyone listens to my sage advice. read more…
As most of you read last month, I attended a dating-related event in which one of the panelists stated that “most men are douchebags.” He said this twice: once before the event started, and again to the audience during the event. You know how I feel about this.
When people say things like this, sometimes it’s just hyperbole to make a point or to get people to listen. But more often it reflects the person’s true belief systems. This particular man owns a lot of bars and has likely spent a considerable amount of time in them, watching the kind of behavior that doesn’t make men (or women, for that matter) seem especially admirable.
But the interesting thing is that he has 3 daughters who are now old enough to date. He’s concerned about them. This was his justification for his advice and beliefs, and it was the justification used by a friend of his when someone criticized his douchebag statement.
We’ve all heard the jokes about fathers holding shotguns and scaring men who court their daughters. They’re funny. Men can relate to them, especially if they too have daughters. No man wants to see his little girl get hurt or taken advantage of by a… douchebag. And we can respect a man who looks out for his girls, right?
BUT… is this the way to go about it? read more…
After 3 years of nothing but the sound of crickets, OkCupid has finally posted something on their OkTrends blog. And this time, it was to admit that they “experiment on human beings.” In other words, they’ve used the huge cache of data (and subjects) available to them, manipulated their users’ profile data, and utilized their considerable analytic prowess to bring us yet more interesting information about how people behave when dating online.
The new blog article is called, of course, “We Experiment on Human Beings!”
Right or Wrong?
Some people find OkCupid’s experimentation merely interesting. Others are outraged. Their experimentation even made major news, including a segment on Good Morning America. And it was somewhat similar to the public finding out that Facebook did some “experiments” of its own on the power of “emotional contagion,” where the social media site manipulated users’ feeds to see how they would react. Even a Senator asked the Federal Trade Commission to look into what Facebook did, mostly to address the issue of privacy and what these social networking sites should be getting away with.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be quoted in a lot of articles recently, all of them very good. So thought I’d share some of them with you for a little fun and informative reading.
Guys: 6 Lies She’s Been Telling You
Have you ever dated a woman who said something and then you find out later it wasn’t quite the truth? For example, the “I’m fine” speech when she’s clearly NOT fine? She probably wasn’t intentionally lying, but trying to show her best side. Read on…
From Men’s Health Magazine: 6 Lies She’s Been Telling You Since You Met
I had a bad experience recently. I was part of an event affiliated with Match.com, where I and a few others were panelists in a discussion with a roomful of singles. It was an interactive event, where the MC asked the audience what dating challenges they face, and we panelists would chime in with advice.
There were 5 panelists, one of whom was an outspoken, opinionated guy who did a lot of the talking on the panel. He owns a bunch of bars and has written a dating book that he hasn’t published yet. One of his most interesting comments was that “most men are douchebags.” Yes, he said it, and he meant it. He told us before the event began that he wants to protect his 3 daughters, who are old enough to date now. He also said that all the good people get snatched up early, leaving a small pool of lower quality people for those who are still single. He had other things to say, some of which were good and others that weren’t… but there he was, dominating the conversation when he was — BY FAR — the least knowledgeable person on that panel. Being a quieter introvert, I had a hard time getting a word in edgewise in the maelstrom of loud opinions that constituted this event. But I still feel regret that I didn’t challenge his stupider statements. read more…
One of the most common concerns I hear from women dating divorced men is something relating to his ex. Perhaps she’s still in the picture. Or she’s not in the picture but she bugs you anyway. Or maybe she doesn’t like you, or uses the kids as pawns to manipulate your boyfriend, or he’s talking to her or helping her more often than you feel comfortable with.
Many exes aren’t a problem. But when she is a problem, even a minor problem, the most common reason is a rather simple one:
She isn’t over him yet.
This is a confusing concept to many. People often believe that if an ex isn’t over you, it must mean they still love you or want you back. Sometimes, that’s actually the case. But other times, it’s only that he or she simply hasn’t let go of you, your relationship, or the “idea” of you yet.