Christie Hartman’s Dating Advice: Most Popular Blog Articles

I’ve been running this blog for some years now. Some of you have been around as long as this blog has, whereas many of you are newer. It’s been fun to watch the blog following grow, to see which articles rank highly in Google (not always the ones you’d expect!), and, of course, to see which articles will strike a chord with readers. Even a psychologist like myself can’t often predict how people will react to a particular article, and that’s half of what makes it so FUN…

There are articles I wrote years ago that I completely forgot about, and some that are even older but still get comments. There are some that get few to no comments, and others that get tons. So, for fun, I thought I’d write up a partial list of this blog’s most popular articles.

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Pew Reveals Latest Study Results on Online Dating and Relationships

Last week, Pew Research Center rolled out the results of its latest online dating study, entitled Online Dating and Relationships. This study follows up a 2005 study Pew did on the internet’s impact on dating and relationships.

Although we’ve discussed several different studies and infographics on online dating, many of those – while interesting – are somewhat biased due to their sampling methods. For example, OkCupid or Match can do a study based on their user data, but such a sample is a sample of convenience and does not necessarily represent the average American (or the average online dater). As such, their results are interesting but not necessarily up to scientific snuff. Pew’s sampling methods (based on a cross section of Americans) are a bit more rigorous, so their numbers are worth paying attention to. Here are some stats from Pew’s study:

 

ONLINE DATING USAGE

  • 11% of American adults—and 38% of those who are currently “single and looking” for a partner—have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps
  • 22% of 25-34 year olds and 17% of 35-44 year olds are online daters.
  • 66% of online daters have gone on a date with someone they met through a dating site or app (vs. 43% in 2005), and 23% of online daters say they met a spouse or long term relationship through these sites (17% in 2005).

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Online Dating: What’s New in the Media

Online dating. Love it or hate it, it’s part of our culture now and a regular discussed topic in the media.

We haven’t talked about this topic in a while, but lately it seems everyone’s interested in it and they all want my opinion. And, of course, I’m always ready to offer my opinion.

 

Is Online Dating Worth Doing?

Some colleagues and I had a great debate about online dating on Facebook last week. Some in the industry believe it’s a waste of time; others (myself included) think it can be useful IF done in an optimal way. The online dating detractors offered the typical reasons you hear people complain about: people can be deceptive, you don’t know what you’re getting until you meet in person, and the classic cynic’s mantra: “Dating sites don’t want you to find true love because then they’d be out of business.”

Anyone who’s read Changing Your Game, Find The Love of Your Life Online, or any of my blogs knows that online dating has drawbacks. The drawbacks are real – you have to expect them and work around them. And as far as dating sites colluding to keep people single… I could write an entire essay on that argument, but suffice it to say that even the most honest or helpful online dating site will never be out of business because there will always be single people. Dating sites don’t find you love – they give you the opportunity to find it yourself.

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Masculine vs. Feminine, Male vs. Female, Straight vs. Gay…

A colleague of mine sent me a really interesting infographic recently. It illustrates in a very clear way the differences between sex, gender, and sexual orientation. Yes, they’re different… and they’re more complex than many realize. Many people tend to confuse these things or to make untrue assumptions about them.

 

Definitions

Sex (i.e. biological sex): Sex refers to what biology gave you in terms of genitalia (penis vs. vagina), reproductive organs (testes vs. ovaries), and chromosomes (XY vs. XX).

Gender identity: This is how you THINK of yourself in terms of gender roles.

Gender expression: This refers to how you demonstrate your gender through how you dress and behave.

Sexual orientation: Refers to who you are attracted to based on their sex/gender.

 

This infographic is called the Genderbread Person (as opposed to Gingerbread Man, if you didn’t see the connection right away, which I admit I didn’t!), from the social issues awareness website It’s Pronounced Metrosexual. There is another, more developed version of this infographic, a Genderbread Person 2.0, as well, but I preferred to illustrate using the more basic model.

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Why Don’t Single Women Check Men Out?

Hiya Christie.

I have a question that probably another guy has asked before, so excuse me if I’m asking what is probably an old question.

I just can’t find a straight and clear answer to it.

If you can tell me, why don’t single women–who want a man in their lives–look or glance over to men, like we do to them?

Grocery store, eating at a restaurant, walking down the sidewalk… we look or give a glance over, yet women don’t do anything.

Our typical thing is to look back at the woman we just passed, yet they won’t do this.

Why???

Thanks, Christie!

Tyler

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Online Dating, Profession, and Income: How Much to Reveal

Hi Christie,

I’ve got an interesting one for you that you could use for your blog. I understand you must get a lot of these but I hope you find it interesting as well.

The main part of my job is being a professional gambler on sporting events. I should probably emphasise that gambling on sports is far more accepted within British culture and you could place a bet on every high street in the UK. Now I haven’t included this info in my profile and the reasons are twofold:

Firstly, I make a good living out of gambling and I have had interest from women in the past because they assume I make a lot of money. Now I dare not tarnish all women with the same brush but as a general rule a large income makes me more attractive and more importantly, attracts the exact sort of woman that I would not like to be around.

Lastly, would it be worthwhile to save for a first date as a way of surprising someone because I seem so straight-laced otherwise?

It’s hard to know whether any of this actually matters but I’m struggling to work out whether the positives of having an interesting job on my profile possibly outweigh the potential downsides I mention above. read more…

Christie Hartman, PhD

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