wherethemagichappensLast time, I talked about change: why change is necessary in dating, the difference between changing who you are and changing ineffective behaviors or habits, and why people resist change. This is such an important topic that one could write volumes on it. After all, change is often the one thing standing between you and what you want.

One of the tough things about change is facing the unknown. What’s familiar, even if it sucks, can be comforting because you know what to expect from it. Change means facing the unfamiliar, the foreign, the unexpected. It means facing a period where you feel a bit… lost.

That’s what people — including self-help gurus — don’t often tell you when they’re busy pushing you to try something different, make a change in your life, or leave your comfort zone. Read More

when-the-winds-of-change-blowOne of biggest challenges in dating — as in life — is knowing when you need to change. If you face rejection more than you would like, attract the wrong people, or have just dated for years and years without finding what you want, do you need to change in the hope that your dating life will also change and you’ll meet the right person? Or do you need to stick to your guns and accept who you are, in the hope that you’ll eventually meet the person who “gets” you?

The answer, unfortunately, is not that simple.

 

To Change or Not to Change?

In my books, my blog, and pretty much all dating advice, change is a constant theme. Yet, so is understanding who we are, deep down. When it comes to change, you need to know when to change and when to honor who you are. However, this isn’t always easy. Let’s go with an example: Read More

 

You can’t browse Facebook or the internet without some article about how introverts are different, how misunderstood they are, how to identify them, how to identify yourself as one, and what their needs are. We’ve officially reached introversion saturation, much like we have with articles about narcissism or paleo diets.

I don’t say this to complain or because it’s a bad thing. It’s a natural thing–when something reaches that tipping point and takes off, it means it’s resonating with a lot of people and that its time has come. It’s also a good thing, as the saturation ensures we are slightly more educated about others (and ourselves) than we used to be.

But, as with anything that becomes a mainstream topic, everyone becomes an expert on it. I’ve read more articles on narcissism than I can count, and every one defines it differently and offers different signs of it. Some of the articles even contradict one another. And it’s the same with introversion.

So, to begin what will likely be a series on introversion, I’m going to take a look on how it’s currently being defined. Read More

 

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Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica is a good “Strong Woman” example. No father, abusive mother, running from her vulnerabilities. I loved her character, by the way…

People who dispense dating advice will often tell you that confidence is sexy, sexier than a good income or a great face, and a key to attracting the other sex. And they’re right. However, it’s more of a challenge to define what confidence is and how to convey it. Sometimes, it’s easier to offer examples of what confidence ISN’T.

Last time, I talked about confidence and why it’s important. In my mind, confidence is believing in yourself. It’s being comfortable in your own skin and making peace with your imperfections and insecurities. I allude to this in Changing Your Game and It’s Not Him It’s YOU. Confidence isn’t something you just “have” or “don’t have” — it’s something you build with experience. This is why older people are more confident in themselves than younger people, and why risk-takers have more confidence than those who avoid risk — they’ve experienced difficulties, faced some of their demons, and have learned that they can handle whatever comes their way. Read More

 

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Leonard from Big Bang Theory, the ultimate TNG

So I’ve been thinking a lot about confidence: what it is and what it’s not. People who dispense dating advice are always pushing singles to show confidence, saying that confidence is sexy, sexier than a good income or a great face. And they’re right.

The problem is it’s much harder to actually define what confidence is, and what it’s NOT.

 

 

 

What is Confidence?

Google defines it as: “A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.”

Fair enough. Read More

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