In my last post, I discussed the DOs and DON’Ts of handling rejection in dating. Rejection is an unavoidable part of dating, and the sooner you learn to put it in perspective, the better. However, that article dealt with rejection in general, the kind of rejection that happens to every person who’s single and out there making an effort. But what about repeated rejection? What do you do when you keep getting rejected, when you can’t get a date, can’t make it past the first date or dates?
Repeated rejection can devastate a person’s confidence. With repeated rejection, you’re not only NOT getting what you want, you have no idea what you’re doing wrong. People think it’s the not getting what you want that sucks. Sure, that’s no fun… but it’s the 2nd thing, the NOT KNOWING, that eats people up.
Why is this? When we get rejected repeatedly but don’t know why, we assume the worst. On some level, we assume we’re not attractive, not worth being with, or some other self-denigrating belief that makes us feel like shit. Some will blame the other sex for their “stupidity,” others blame themselves for their inherent “unlovableness,” some keep trying the same ineffective techniques, some give up altogether. So what’s the solution?
Start Problem Solving
The first thing you do is stop blaming. As I discuss in my books, don’t blame yourself and don’t blame others. Blame makes you powerless. And feeling powerless works against you. Instead, see the problem for what it is, and begin attempting to solve it. There is no one, and I mean NO ONE, who can’t get dates or find a partner who’s attractive and well-matched to you. I hear men bitch that you have to be gorgeous or rich to get dates, and I hear women bitch that you have to be gorgeous or young to attract men. Yes, rich guys and hot women get more options. But, statistically, most of us aren’t gorgeous or rich, and we still manage to get dates. Poor and relatively plain people get dates and find partners. So can you.
If you’re getting rejected repeatedly, the problem isn’t your looks, your age, or your income. The problem is you’re doing something to knock yourself out of the running, and you need to figure out what it is.
Rejection Principles
First, recognize your problem. Is there a reasonably consistent pattern for you? Here are a few basic rejection principles to get you thinking.
1. If you aren’t able to GET a date (i.e. you’re not getting asked out or you’re not getting a yes when you ask), you aren’t triggering basic attraction. You either need to improve your physical appearance, or you need to work on leading with your masculine side (if male) or feminine side (if female). Or, as one reader pointed out, you need to consider whether you’re aiming out of your league.
2. If you get to a FIRST date but not a SECOND (i.e. they didn’t ask you out again or didn’t say yes when you asked), whatever basic attraction that person felt extinguished, either due to something you did to sabotage it, or simply because it’s not a good match. If the former, you probably broke a date etiquette rule, e.g. you got too personal, talked about your ex, etc.
3. If you manage to get through several dates before being rejected, you’ve either done something significant enough to sabotage attraction strong enough to warrant multiple dates, or there is a lack of compatibility that has lessened their attraction to you. The latter can’t be helped, but the former can be due to various fundamental dating mistakes. After multiple dates, if chemistry (attraction) and compatibility aren’t sufficient enough, you won’t move into relationship-ville.
To some extent, these rules require some modification when dating online. Here, there are two attraction hoops to jump through: the profile and the first in-person meeting.
Rejection Principles for Online Dating
1a. If you have an online profile and you’re consistently getting few to no responses to your emails, or getting few to no emails, there’s something about your profile and/or email technique that isn’t creating potential attraction. You’re either turning people off, or failing to turn them on. Reasons for no initial attraction include crappy photos, poorly written profile, grammatical errors/typos, boring profile, negativity, or bad email technique. It also includes emailing the wrong people, either by emailing those whose criteria you don’t fit, or generally aiming out of your league in terms of attractiveness.
2a. If you’re able to get to the meet-and-greet, but your dates aren’t interested in seeing you again, you’re triggering basic attraction/interest, but then the real you didn’t trigger attraction the way the virtual you may have, or you did something to sabotage attraction. If this happens to you repeatedly, either your real self doesn’t reflect your profile (you lied or your profile is misleading), or you’re committing date faux pas that are killing your game (e.g. talking too much, interrogating, etc.).
3a. If you’re able to get beyond the meet-and-greet and go on a few dates, but then get rejected, see 3 above.
Remember: these rejection scenarios happen to everyone. Don’t sweat it. But if any one of them is happening to you consistently, it’s time to start problem solving. The next post will talk more about how to do that.
Resources
I try to look at online dating like playing a sport. You go through good and bad streaks for no rhyme or reason. Last summer i went on 5 consecutive dates that didnt result in 2nd dates. Then out of nowhere I went on dates that did lead to multiple dates. So then I had the problem of trying to juggle. So you just never know what works for some women wont work for others.
The biggest eye opener for me was that you can wear the same clothes, go to the same venue and wear same cologne. And some women wont feel any chemistry with that combination and some will think you are hot. The variables can remain constant and yet you get a different outcome. That frustrates the intellect in me. But thats online dating for you. Sometimes the online dating gods smile on you and sometimes they dont.
“The variables can remain constant and yet you get a different outcome. That frustrates the intellect in me.”
🙂 That’s because attraction is more basic than the intellect. There are no variables that will attract everyone.
Thanks again ,Christie . You said it like it is and thanks to John ( one of your readers) who echoed your sentiments. I’ve had the same results and totally agree that there are too many variables to guess what will work on an email, a first meet , a 3rd date and beyond. Some weeks I’m ” on fire ” and get a large number of first responses and dates. Some weeks I’m “ice”. My biggest problem seems to be getting the second date ( after a first date seemed to go great) with the ones I’m turned on by
( which I must admit is not that often). So any specific advice you can offer will be appreciated.
You speak about “aiming out of your league”. But ,in all candor, some which I thought were out of my league (based on profile and photos) turned out to be nothing near as attractive as their profiles nor photos represented. And I suspect some thought of me in vice versa. I try and keep my profile and photos as humanly current as possible .Alas , in my humble opinion , the opposite sex rarely does the same.
Thanks, David. Yes, hot and cold phases are a fundamental aspect of dating. I remember them myself. It’s the people who suffer long cold phases who need this the most. To some extent, getting beyond the first date is a big challenge in online dating, and going on a lot of meet-and-greets is normal.
As far as the leagues go, if they’re responding online, they aren’t out of your league. And studies show that both women and men are equally likely to lie or misrepresent themselves in photos or in their stats.
This is a well-timed post for me. The rejection definitely wears me down. I treat dating as a numbers game. Some dating expert said that if you go on two dates a week in six months you will find a match. That sounds like a very realistic goal. But in practice that is a lot of rejection to endure for six months without one’s confidence taking a hit.
I have experienced all of the rejection principles above. I must echo what other’s have said–the 2s (not getting a 2nd date) are the ones that drive me nuts because of exactly what Christie said–the not knowing is what kills me.
“The fade” rejection happened to me just last week. Actually it wasn’t even a fade because she went from completely excited to completely dark. Black hole dark. And there is nothing that can be done to salvage it.
In scenario #1, one can proactively tweak his or her profile, change pictures, tweak searches, switch to a different site even….
In scenario #3, if you have been on several dates, you have the right to ask for explanation. (Although usually unnecessary because you already know why.)
But in scenario #2, it remains a mystery for all eternity. Even if your brain knows she probably clicked with someone else better and it is as simple as that–you can never be certain. And that is how one’s confidence takes a nose dive…
Two dates a week over six month period will lead to a date , is not my experience my friends tell me I am a really nice person : yet I have not secured a date in 8 years.Online if I have an e mail response and a photo is requested I load one up and all communication ceases. Please explain that one.
,
Further, I have had women write my profile and even recommend the photo to use , still to no avail.
Roger, my experience is that women select men based on a jumbled up mix of emotion and impulse. This is why the decent guy with a good job can’t get a date while violent thugs, gang members and ex-cons have all the women they want. Dating is a mess. I had little success until I gave up on women totally. After I gave up and lost interest, I started to get dates. Weird. I can tell you that the scumbags I referred to above (ex-cons, gang members, thugs) don’t chase women–women chase them I have seen it. You might want to stop pursuing women and concerntrate on furthering your education or your career. This way you will get a return on your investment. Women are not like pets where you love them and they love you in return. Doesn’t work that way. Also, you described yourself as a “nice person.” My experience is that women hate nice guys. I did a Google search “Women lover jerks” and came back with over 30 million hits. I Googled “women love nice guys” and got 68 hits. I am not saying be a jerk or a thug, just put your time into something that will yield a tangible result.
It’s not “niceness” that women don’t like. It’s other things that the “nice guy” may be doing or not doing. For example, some “nice guys” have no sense of humor, don’t know how to flirt or keep up a conversation, look sloppy or out of shape, or have odd or annoying mannerisms. Some are only into “nerdy” hobbies that many women can’t relate to. Some can’t even work up the nerve to make their interest known. These are all factors that will turn off some women, and I’ve listed just a few of them.
The myth that women prefer to be treated badly is an excuse men use to justify doing so. But almost everyone likes to be treated well, men and women alike. Unfortunately, what happens sometimes is that a woman falls for a guy who has a sense of humor, knows how to flirt and keep up a conversation, looks well dressed and in shape, etc., and therefore tries to *overlook* that he treats her badly, hoping that he’ll love her enough to start treating her well. Such women are in denial, of course, but it has nothing to do with wanting to be treated badly. It has to do with wanting traits they find attractive.
The best thing a guy can do on the dating scene isn’t to treat women badly. It’s to either work on developing traits that the majority of women find attractive or instead target the minority of women who aren’t as interested in those traits.
I see your point, Beau, about scenario 2 being the most frustrating. In online dating, though, it’s normal to have lots of first “dates” (meet-and-greets) that go nowhere. But, yeah, after a while it gets tiresome.
Hey Christie,
I really like this article (and your last one too). I would say that in my OLD maybe a third of first-meetings lead to second dates. But that means that two-thirds do not. What I have noticed in the last “failed” first-meeting, the conversation seemed to go pretty well for about maybe 30 minutes but then after it fell kind of flat. It felt like I was trying to peddle a bike up a sand dune. I bring this up because this isn’t that unusual for me.
I would say that I am able to get maybe 10%–20% of women I make contact with to write me back, and that I am able to convert maybe 70% of the women who write me back into actual dates.
@Beau: If someone turns on you that fast then there might be the possibility that they are flighty. As in they have a lot of flavors of the week. That said it would be very awkward for this girl to say “Hey I know I came on you really strong but I’m not interested. See you were my flavor of the week and now I moved on” so she just vanished. That would be my take anyway….
Christie,
This comment of yours in the comments section itrigued me:
“As far as the leagues go, if they’re responding online, they aren’t out of your league”
Sometimes when I was speaking to a nice looking woman, either on the site or via phone prior to meeting, she would just drop off the face of the Earth. I figured that if that happened, then she was just out of my league. But your comment refutes that idea. If she exchanged back and forth a couple of times, that means she actually did think i was in her league? And then maybe the reason for the disappearing act was something else? Interesting. For some reason if someone stops corresponding (a rejection-lite) and its due to her flaking, has a better deal, etc, then it doesn’t suck as much as feeling I was shooting out of my league.
I really liked your article because I constantly get rejected. 99% of people say I am handsome. I am educated and well presented. I am also confident so that using online dating or day-game I can get dates. But 99.99% of times I get rejected after the first date.
As you said I need to identify the problem and solve it. But how can I identify the problem?! Just making guesses and acting based on it won’t really help. Please tell me what can I do to make attraction on dates? PUAs say do kino (touch), say DHV stories and blah blah. I’ve done all those things and still I just get rejected. I am gradually hating women for this!!
You may want to take a break from dating for a while. When I was in my late 20’s I was living in Southern California. I had a secure, well paying job, owned my own home in a nice,safe area. I couldn’t buy a date for a million dollars. You know who got the dates? Ex-cons, drug dealers and violent abusive men. They had so many beautiful women that they were pushing them away. I finally gave up on ever having a wife or girlfriend.. The dating scene was crazy and it was making me crazy. After I totally gave up, women started sending me signals that they were interested and I started getting dates. I am not saying this works for everyone but this was my experience. Good luck to you.
Did you become an “ex-con,” “drug dealer,” or “violent abusive man” when you “gave up” and started attracting women? No? Then I guess you don’t have to be a “thug” to attract women after all, do you? Therefore, you should stop spreading this silly myth, which helps no one but harms many.
Obviously, while you were focused on dating, you were giving off some kind of desperate vibe that turned women off. Once you started focusing on yourself, they could sense that you were a whole, complete individual and found that attractive. What attracts women to “thugs” is not that they’re jerks but that they don’t project that desperate vibe that is so unappealing to people of both sexes. Unfortunately, some women don’t have enough insight into human psychology to understand that the reason those “thugs” don’t seem desperate isn’t because they’re whole, complete individuals but because they’re cold, hardened monsters who truly couldn’t care less what anyone else thinks of them. That’s a shame, but there are plenty of women out there who *do* understand the difference, as you inadvertently discovered. Please stop maligning *all* women just because *some* women are fooled by losers.
Mike: read part 2 of this article: http://christiehartman.com/handling-repeated-rejection-in-dating-part-2/
So I am 6’4 athletic body very handsome and can’t get a date to save my life. I seem to repel women. I have been rejected so many times that I have given up completely. It’s sad that I’ve actually been hit on a few times but have been I.nuch a slump that I don’t evn think about dating or even lookingst women anymore. It seems the only thing I want in my life which is the one thing I cant have , is the very same thing I’ve lost hope for and dating women looking st women sharing the company of s woman has become s completely.foreign concept. I’m.way past not trying. I don’t really care anymore the reason why anymore and am way past trying to figure out if its because of how I dress or look or act I’ve really just given up. Anyways that’s my comment. Thanks
David, taking a break from dating might be a good idea. When I lived in
Southern California I had a secure, well paying job and my own home in a nice safe area. I couldn’t buy a date for a million dollars. Ex-cons and drug dealers had so many women they were pushing them away (no kidding) and I was high and dry. . I gave up on ever getting a date, a girlfriend or a wife. Giving up on women gave me a great feeling of peace. No need to exude confidence, no need to “generate sexual tension”, and no concerns about “does she like me etc.” I knew that I as basically invisible to women so there was no need for any anxiety or self-consciousness. Then a strange thing happened. Women started to show an interest and I started getting dates. But my idealist and naive belief in romantic love was gone. If a woman expressed an interest I would ask her out. I didn’t care if she said yes or no. I didn’t expect anything to come of it. If I had some fun that was great, if not, I had plenty of other things to keep me busy.
I knew that I certainly did not exude confidence but I was totally indifferent to women and it wasn’t an act. I am not saying it will work for everyone but that was my experience. Good luck.
David, my wife reminded me that lots of girls don’t get asked out either. You may want to keep your eyes open and your options open. You may meet someone yet. Truthfully, I didn’t totally give up and marraige has worked out well for me. I used to get upset when certain girls I liked went to scumbags instead. Then my wife reminded me that they most likely regretted it.
Your wife is right, on both points. Some men don’t realize that unhealthy attracts unhealthy. It doesn’t matter how beautiful she is; if she’s dating a bad guy, she’s got problems she needs to work through. And until she does, she won’t recognize or want a good guy.
I too have given up. It’s so easy for these people to throw out advice for such a complicated issue. I make a great living, I’m not ugly(at least from what I’ve been told) and I’ve never thought of myself as ugly, whatever that even is. I’m fun to be around and I can be pretty charming at times. Does me no good, perhaps my style is too eclectic or maybe it’s because I wear glasses. I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m to the point where I don’t want a date any longer. I am a catch and the fact that no one see’s/ or appreciates that and hasn’t for a very long time just makes me realize I’m better off by myself anyhow. I just take myself on vacations and spoil myself on a regular basis and you know what, it works! lol I love myself and I couldn’t care less about a date. If it happens it happens but I’m not looking for it any longer. BTW I have never been asked out by a woman my entire life so either that’s against the law or something is terribly wrong here… Stop worrying about constant rejection and just take care of yourself. YOUR the important one.
Hey Jim, thank you so much for your comment as I laughed so much that I nearly cried. Loved some other comments here too but this one is the one I want to print out, frame and look at from time to time. Good luck and regards from europe xxx
Jim you did the right thing. Enjoy your life and don’t worry about it. When I gave up on women I actually had a great feeling of peace and serenity that comes from giving up a pointless and futile struggle. Now you don’t have to worry about what women think of you; you don’t have to project confidence; and when you see the horrible men getting all the women you just accept it. Let the women go for what they want and you can enjoy the rest of your life. If your life situation permits, a pet is wonderful companion. I recommend adopting from a shelter or Petfinder.com. A pet’s love is forever.
You eluded to a good point which I’m going to make, which is that rejection shouldn’t result in the worst of thoughts as to why the guy was rejected. Most times, it’s not his fault. He didn’t do a thing wrong, but the problem or issue lies with the girl or the one who rejects opposed to the rejectee.
Blaming the rejector is no better than blaming yourself, Socialkenny. And repeated rejection happens to both sexes.
What I meant was, the rejector might have been having a bad day, etc. and decided she wasn’t gonna entertain anyone. So she (the rejector) is the 1 with the issue, so it wasn’t something the rejectee had done. I wasn’t blaming the rejector.
As far as women being rejected, how often does that happen? Not often. It’s the woman’s gender role to reject. Guys rarely reject women unless it’s for obvious reasons a when a guy just isn’t attracted to a specific girl. But women however reject guys for the most irrational reasons: “He just wasn’t tall enough”. “He had a mole of his chin, although he was super hot nevertheless”.
As far as women being rejected, how often does that happen? Not often. It’s the woman’s gender role to reject. Guys rarely reject women unless it’s for obvious reasons a when a guy just isn’t attracted to a specific girl. But women however reject guys for the most irrational reasons: “He just wasn’t tall enough”. “He had a mole of his chin, although he was super hot nevertheless”.
“As far as women being rejected, how often does that happen? Not often.”
Not true. Women get rejected ALL THE TIME, and I know many women who’ve suffered from repeated rejection as well. The problem is that you’re looking at this from a limited perspective – you’re focusing ONLY on initial rejection, as if that’s the only time one can face rejection. IT’S NOT. It’s just what some men focus on because that’s where they struggle.
Men do face more rejection up front (with approach, with asking out) because they often make the first move. But once they get that girl to talk to them, give them their email address or phone number, go out with them, sleep with them, or fall for them, they can reject these women AT ANY TIME. This is when men have a LOT of power. And some men just don’t see this because they’re too focused on their own struggle.
And I am not at all convinced that women are more “irrational” about their reasons for rejection. PEOPLE are irrational. ATTRACTION is irrational. Men’s reasons seem “obvious” to you because you understand them. Yes, I’ve seen women reject men for silly reasons. But I’ve seen men do the same. Welcome to humanity.
YES. This is all so true! Love this response! I’m a woman who has faced rejection many times a few weeks or months in, and it’s every bit as hurtful as it is to be rejected from the outset. Actually, I’ve found it to be way more hurtful because by that time I’m already emotionally invested. And I say this as someone who has also been rejected upfront, so I do know the difference.
They’ve been rejected simply because they were pining away for men who obviously didn’t want them. That is the key difference. If you chase after someone who obviously isn’t into you, then you’re bound to get rejected. And that is NOT true rejection. It’s more like self-rejection caused by the women who are chasing men who aren’t into them.
The rejection we men face however, is the real deal. The one that makes men commit suicide, depression, seek the aid of pickup artists like myself, who as every other PUA, was once getting rejected and becoming dejected before we got into Pickup.
Socialkenny, that is the worst argument I’ve ever seen on this topic. EVER.
I work with both women and men – I see what they both struggle with, and the struggles are both similar to and different from one another. It doesn’t look like you have (yet) learned to see things from a woman’s point of view. Once you do, a world of possibilities will open up for you, and those you teach.
If you believe what you just wrote, as you believe what you said in another blog about God, that is your right, and I will not tell you what to believe. But I will tell you, in no uncertain terms, that I do not agree with a single thing you just said in that last post. And since we’ve once more discovered we have fundamentally different belief systems, there’s nothing else to talk about.
I guess you’re not the “seek first to understand” type of person. Getting insulted by posts. That guy speaks for a lot guys. Listen and understand.
Listen and understand what, Nik? I listen, even to comments like that, but you can’t expect me to agree with something I find patently untrue. Just because some guys can relate to that statement – i.e. that only men experience “real” rejection – doesn’t mean it’s true. I DO “understand,” however, how a man might come to believe that. There are women out there who believe (also falsely) that men have more power in dating. Ever read The Rules??
As I said below, I offer potential solutions here. I’m offer a service. If you don’t like the service, that’s your prerogative.
Another website run by a reasonably attractive person who can’t conceivably know what it’s like for a physically unattractive person to have no chance whatsoever to ever be in a relationship.
I’m 36 years old, have 2 university degrees, an MA and will soon have a PhD; I’ve lived in multiple countries and can’t be accused of being a complete imbecile.
My problem is that I’m physically unattractive. I’m not the most hideously ugly person on the planet, but the only hope for me to look decent would probably be plastic surgery, which is costly.
I used to ask girls out every once in a while; now and again, a girl would express an interest in me, but this usually had something to do with their intoxication at the moment
Of course, I don’t want to go out with physically unattractive women, so I understand why most aren’t interested in me.
The longest “relationship” I’ve ever had was for maybe 2 months, and that was back in 10th grade (in other words, about 21 years ago.) I’ve had a few girlfriends since then, but those relationships usually lasted around a month or less (long enough for the girls to realize, during spells of sobriety, that I wasn’t very attractive.)
Every couple of years, I have a “relationship” that lasts a couple of months and then eventually get dumped; generally, the cause of this is, in my estimation, the girls’ craziness / emotional instability combined with my own physical unattractiveness.
What do I do ? Sometimes, I have sex with prostitutes in the foreign countries where I live. (I only do this where prostitution is legal or where the girls are “freelancers” not evidently controlled by scumbag mafia types.) In other words, I don’t do this is in every country I live in.
Mostly, however, I deal with my biological urges by masturbating.
I am a realist; I am clever enough to realize that those stories about “everyone being beautiful on the inside” were developed solely in a (well-intentioned) attempt to make unattractive people feel better about themselves.
Anyway, it’s time to get back to finishing up the writing of my doctoral dissertation ….
To Jim, Harry H, and any future commenters with similar comments:
I am going to get personal here, something I rarely do. I find some of your comments a bit insulting. Specifically:
JIM: “It’s so easy for these people to throw out advice for such a complicated issue.”
HARRY: “Another website run by a reasonably attractive person who can’t conceivably know what it’s like for a physically unattractive person to have no chance whatsoever to ever be in a relationship.”
These comments really bother me. I’m not a “these people” or a “reasonable attraction person” – I’m me, Christie Hartman, someone who puts a lot of effort into offering free (or cheap, in the case of my books) advice to people, out of a genuine desire to help people struggling with dating. The majority of my customers/clients are men. I’m not sure why you seem to believe I don’t take the important, difficult issue of rejection seriously – I do, which is why I’ve devoted this and many other articles to this topic.
If the advice doesn’t help, or isn’t what you want, I can live with that. No blogger can ever know what it feels like to be you, to feel what you feel, but at least we’re putting something out there to help. That’s more than I can say for most of what’s on the internet.
I’m not trying to lay a guilt trip on you here – these are my feelings and I’m responsible for them. But if you come to my blog (which is my home on the internet), I’m going to tell you when something bothers me and reiterate why I’m here.
Hey Chris’, I thought my argument and point were pretty valid and made lots of sense.
Anyway, looking forward to what you have to post next. I like your way of thinking despite the friction here.
Thanks, Socialkenny. I appreciate that.
After reading all of your posts on this subject, I can’t help but think at the time of it, a rejection is such a painful event to endure and no-one has really addressed the heartbreak it causes.
After spending many, many years with a man who didn’t love me, I ended the relationship, to his relief and have been persuaded by a friend to begin dating. BIG MISTAKE!
I corresponded with a very attractive professional man for some considerable time. Myself being a professional too, owning my own successful business and being constantly told I’m gorgeous, beautiful and hot, thought I’d perhaps be meeting someone who would be a happy companion. We were both of the opinion we wanted the same things, go slowly, see where it leads, if anywhere and that caution is the watchword.
Now in my working life I have to have a bubbly outgoing personality to deal with my clients, some of whom hit on me regularly, with only sex mind. But in my personal life I’m quiet, thoughtful and not uncomfortable with silence, I’m affectionate and attentive, a good listener, and communicator. I’m always elegantly dressed and always very clean. My makeup is understated and classy. I don’t use overpowering perfumes but something that suits my skin and is quietly fragrant.
I met this lovely chap who was the same as I, quiet, a little shy and happy with silence. We were on the same wavelength, his words, and all went well on our date, we laughed and had fun, planning to meet again soon.
Yet I get a message the next day to say it was ok but not what he’s looking for anymore. I’m deeply hurt by his words, and complete insensitivity. He could have told me that before the date, lord knows I gave him the opportunity more than once in our communications saying it was cool if he had changed his mind, and he was insistent he was incredibly interested in me and wanted to meet.
I won’t ever let this happen to me again. I won’t be dating again. I won’t let myself be hurt like this anymore, my heart can’t stand the pain. I will join the Harry H’s of this world and get on with my life without this injury to my heart.
All my life I’ve been rejected by one person or another, my parents, my siblings and extended family, friends who were fair-weather ones. And my last relationship was one of the ultimate rejections, asking me to marry him after many years together, then not making good on his promise. So used to having me around he wasn’t sure how he’d cope on his own so he kept me around. Telling me he loved me when he didn’t, I had become no more than a habit of his. He was just waiting for me to end it in the end. He was relieved it was over. I saw him recently and he was happy it was at an end.
I’m not an ogre, nor am I pushy, demanding or have any of the traits that are a turn off. I look at what would turn me off with a man and then look at myself to ensure I’m not displaying or executing those behaviours myself. Yet this cruel heartless rejection keeps coming, from all quarters. In France they call it L’amour……. But back in England they call it heartlessness.
Please address this agony to spare others the cruelty of it all.
So here’s to the Harry H club, you’ve got a second member.
ShellyFrance.
The thing is, I’ve been rejected over 10 times (I’m a teenager – and before I get a lecture about ‘you have your whole life ahead’, all of my friends have boyfriends and I get left out with double/triple/quadruple/group dates etc.), but I’m quite attractive, I am told I am pretty, I have a good personality, I’m kind to everyone and I don’t aim for boys higher than my league. I don’t like guys that everyone likes. I like the guy that’s right for me – often lower than my league…. and much more masculine girls have had far greater success than me. Any tips?
Thanks 🙂
Hi I was reading this article just recently and I am also going to join HarryH, Shelly and confused girl. I am pretty lady but guys just dont approach me. I can be friends with guys but can never get beyond that. I have tried online dating and yes I am fed up. Us women also get rejected by guys. I have a great profile without a photo but I always send it if a guy request. We will have great conversations until a certain point where they stop replying my messages. Some people reach the first date meeting but I have never been that far. I am considerate with peoples feeling and so I think guys should do the same.Lets just say that I am giving up in trying to find a march. I will continue leaving my lonely life and take care of my self.
Everybody gets rejected sometimes. It’s all part of the price “so to speak” to finding who or what you really want.
Hang in there Lonely Lady and don’t give up. I’ll bet he is right around the corner. Good Luck!
I am married now but was single for a long time so I like to read these blogs. I gave up on women at age 31 due to repeated rejections. I basically realized that I would never have a wife or a girlfriend. Giving up on women gave me a great feeling of serentity. Giving up an impossible and futile task (trying to find romantic love) made me feel more at peace than I had ever felt in years. Then a strange thing happened. I started to get dates.
When I was looking for love I couldn’t buy a date for a million dollars. It was weird because I had completely given up on women and it wasn’t an act either. I met my wife by a fluke –if not I would be single today. . In college I was able to get through calculus, physics and accounting by hard work but dating success has nothing to do with hard work. It’s not rational like accounting or physics.It’s crazy and chaotic. You can be going out with a girl and think she’s the love of your life. Except that one month later she’s gone without an explanation. I told my wife that if I were ever a widower I would never marry again because I can’t handle dating. Good luck to you guys out there.
Hello, Interesting comment section. Well lets see where to start. I am a fairly realistic, “blandly average” type, I am not unattractive or overly attractive, i am slight due to a thyroid issue, i am slightly abrasive personality wise, somewhat “dry” in conversation and not overly successful financially. I am 32 years of age, 5ft 7, 125LBS, Caucasian living in Canada. Although i have dated in the past with moderate success i find i am left to date people i find unattractive (or to not date at all), and dating people you dont find attractive is a recipe for disappointment. The #1 suggestion/advice i get from friends (both male and female) is summed up as “Well your really abit bland, unexciting” and “why dont you lower your expectations abit”. In all honesty i’ve lowered my expectations far to low already as far as i’m concerned on the level of attractiveness in the women I aim for, being told i should go lower is disheartening. I’ve started to reach the point in life where nearly all my friends are married with children so i’ social circle is imploding also. It was suggested that i have my friends or their husbands/wives “set me up”, but the response i have gotten is “i dont think i know anyone that is right for you” from my group of friends. So i’m left with the issue i originally mentioned, to date people i find unattractive or to not date at all. Really this is the option i’m left with? Can being introverted, “dry” and “boring” without a large sum of wealth really be that much of a turn off to acceptable women. My only real physical requirement is that the woman be “slim”, not stunningly attractive just slim and fit, and have no children. Am I being overly picky? I am honestly starting to build a deep burning rage that i can see in my own eyes in the mirror (comparing a photo of 22yr me to 32yr me looks like the same man but with vastly different moods) Any advice other than “lower your standards” or “Hit the gym” (which isnt an option due to my thyroid issue) would be welcomed
I’ve never had my interest reciprocated by men that I fancy. Except for sex – but never when I’ve liked a guy with a view to dating. I have always been called pretty, but I am a bit overweight, and am wondering that is even a size 12 enough to put them off?? I have joined a gym this week to get in shape. But it freaks me out that maybe if I could attract a man whilst a size 8, when my body goes to a size 12 during pregnancy, will I stop being attractive to him? Is there THAT much difference between a size 8 and a size 12, in a guys eyes??
Also, in the past I’m definitely guilty of being a bit wild & aggressive in letting a guy know I’m interested. So perhaps it’s reasonable to assume that this, plus being a little overweight have meant that my interest hasn’t been reciprocated with guys I’ve fancied??? I hope so, but now I’m worried that really I’m just a complete all-round minger! Eek!!
Oops that was supposed to be a comment at the end of the thread, not a reply to the fellow above! My bad!!
Well I am slim, have no children, make some effort with clothes and makeup and female and cannot get a decent date either. Don’t be disheartened. Maybe since 2014 things have improved. If it is any consolation at all, many couples that began with strong attraction don’t last in the longhaul. I am in Australia BTW.
I have a suggestion. Drop the nonsense about “no kids.” Plenty of thin, attractive women out there in your age group are divorced. By excluding mothers, you are making things significantly harder for yourself. As for physical attraction, I think there is no need to change your standards, unless they drew you towards toxic women.
Your friends may not be able to set you up because you are picky on the kids issue (and more and more women are fat nowadays, sadly).
I too have been rejected. I went out on 5 dates he seemed very keen, we got on had good chemistry. He comes round on the fifth and we become more intimate. We didn’t sleep together which im glad of now as he made a hast exit saying he better go. Tested him to see if everything is okay, he claims it is. Next day I ask him if the night before was okay, he says he is not sure he didnt feel entirely comfortable and possibly it’s not meant to be. Im quite sensitive about my body and now its got me wondering if im just not attractive :-S
I have one big problem with your post. You’re telling me that I’m not leading enough with my feminine side to maintain attraction???
I DON’T HAVE A FEMINIE SIDE!!! I am very much a tom boy. Am I supposed to completely change my personality to attract a man? Sacrifice my beloved khakis and jeans for sun dresses and padded bras?
This is so unfair to me. I’m a very strong person. I’m intelligent, I’m funny, I’ve been told I’m pretty and I’m successful… but if you make me wear a dress or hair extentions I will probably cry.
I meet lots of guys and we all have a great time – but nothing ever happens. How do I attract someone without destroying who I am?
Thank you.
Femininity isn’t about dresses or long hair, Elizabeth, just like masculinity isn’t about short hair not wearing pink. It’s about letting men see that side of you that goes beyond being the female buddy. You have to find how to do that in your own way.
Hello. I can relate to most of the stories here. I too have been rejectited countless times. Its definitely my looks. Women to be honest have incredibly high standards these days. Studies show that women usually grade themsrlves about two leagues higher than they actually are. So they end up with guys who dont really care about them reject guys who are their league. So the cycle continues
I think thats what the pua was trying to say that women start the rejection cycle. But the heart wants what the heart wants right. As for me im giving up. Ive hurt so bad before i cannot possibly take anymore.
Tom,
Don’t let it get you down. Concentrate on furthering your education and your career where time spent actually yields a return. I used to get mad when I saw thugs and bad boys get all the women. Then I accepted it and life was better. They want to be together and I accepted that. This is not worth getting upset over.
A man’s value increases as he gets older and advances in his job and acquires assets. I was in your shoes. I took a break from dating and got my MBA and advanced my career. I eventually found a wife.
Question: How much rejection does a guy have to take before realizing that there’s no light at the end of the tunnel?
Depends how much tolerance for pain you have. For me, it depended on my mood. One way I looked at it was that getting rejected didn’t cost me a dime. I wasn’t going to lose my property or my job. In April 1984 I was dumped on Friday by a girl I wanted to marry. But on the following Monday I went to work and my badge still opened the door, the paychecks kept coming in and I still had my property and all my stuff. She dumped me for some guy who quickly dumped her. He was smarter than I was.
I wasn’t stuck with alimony or child support. I could look for another girl or chill out. Actually the girl who dumped me did me a favor. I was free to finish my education and take a far better job in Washington DC (I lived in California when she dumped me). . So it worked out for the best. didn’t work out well for her. She is divorced and alone today. Girls may think it’s cute and funny to dump a guy who actually cares about them (because he’s too nice or boring) but 20-30 years down the road it does not work out so well. That boring guy is a millionaire without a mortgage and multiple pensions and she..is well…broke and alone. There is a price for going with the bad boy.
Hope this helps.
Bill
I think Bill’s idea about taking a break has merit. I’ve learned from my own life that when I experience multiple failures in some area of my life, it tends to attract more of them. Sometimes, stepping back and rebooting can help or even lead to insights. At the very least, it gets you out of that stuck place.
And it can also lead to the realization that the myth that “there’s someone for everyone” is just that.
Mickey, I have not dated since 1991 so I don’t know where you would meet women these days. In the Washington DC area they have something called Events and Adventures where single people can meet in a low pressure environmment. I met my wife at an event sponsored by Single Professional; Men and women (now disbanded). Some couples meet in church. I can’t imagine meeting in a loud club or approaching a woman on the street as these Pick Up Artists advocate. Maybe they can do it, but it seems awkward to me.
Bill, I haven’t dated in at least that long either. But, since I’ve seen nothing but male bashing hostility, I’ve long since come to the realization that meeting women is nothing but an exercise in futility. So much for “happily ever after.”
Sounds as though it has gotten really bad. When I was single the girls in the DC area were hard to get. Very high expectations. I went up to blue collar Baltimore and my market value went way up. I had more fun in Baltimore in one night than I had in DC in 3 years. In Baltimore if a guy has a good job and behaves like a decent human being it’s easy to get a date. Sometimes where you are makes a difference. Let me know what you think.
Well, being single isn’t that bad either. Many married guys would love to be single again. Look at the high divorce rate. Unmarried couples are not much better off. Women complain about their boyfriends all the time and visa versa. I have found that success with women is not like success in college or in work. In just about every activity in life, the harder you work , the better you do. I have noticed with women it’s the opposite. When I wanted a girlriend/wife I couldn’t find one. When I stopped looking, everything improved. that’s what happened with me.
Go to Baltimore or New Orleans and hit the clubs…have the time of your life..after that you won’t care if you ever have a girlfriend. I had a lot of fun in both cities….San Antonio was great also.
If you decide to go to Baltimore let me know and I can show you around….
http://asktheniceguy.wordpress.com/2012/07/11/nice-guys-giving-up-on-relationshi
ps-women-5/
Excellent advice for the Nice Guy..everyone wins
I think it’s just the stupid fuc—– hand your dealt no matter what you do, get, try for, don’t try for, everthing.
You guys think you get rejected? I’m a very attractive women, and every guy I was EVER attracted to was never attracted to me. This went out for YEARS. I’ll admit, I had broke up with a lot of guys because it just wasn’t there, or some were verbually abusive, but I get rejected right after I make conversation. I’ll give you an example: This guy kept checking me out so I thought I had a chance. So I started saying hi, and he would say hi back. So I would talk to him a little and he would talk a little but seemed very nervous around me. Then one night I went to talk to him and just asked if he wanted a cup of coffee, and if he lived far from here, and asked him what he does. I made him laugh, I thought I had a chance, he never comes and talks to me. Why did he keep checking me out all the time? He’s the one who kept looking at me. I just don’t get it anymore. I really don’t even want a date. It would be nice just to have a friend. I can’t even get a fuc—- friend for Christ sake! So how do you think I feel? You know what I love to do, sleep. That’s the only thing I want to do. After years and years of rejection, I just give up. I don’t mean to be negative but how are you suppose to be positive if your total self-confidence and self-esteem have been shattered from years of rejection. And not to be conceited but I’m a hot looking chick! I’m fun, I love music, I’m thin, long blone hair, blue eyes. I guess my looks don’t matter anymore. Screw this world, I waiting for heaven, God is my soul mate. Can anyone figure out what the problem is? I don’t even want a guy. I just want a guy friend.
And by the way, I get rejected even if the guy is interested first!! You believe that shit? Don’t smile and check me out if your just going to rejected me. WTF!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, I know that feeling! After a very painful relationship, where I was futily chasing the woman, I resolved never to chase a woman who has not shown copious interest. But not even that works! After the strong flirting and the initial convo, interest dries up asap. What is with that??
I agree to a certain extent. Sometimes its just the hand you are dealt.
But you want to know what your problem is?
“”YEARS. I’ll admit, I had broke up with a
lot of guys because it just wasn’t thre,
That right there is the problem i think. Sonetimes people give up toi early or just quit. To be honest all of us would be in a relationship if we were not so damn picky. Everyone who is single if you really look at it its because you choose to be. We alk know someone who likes us but they just dont fit our high standards.
Karen, I hope everything works out for you. I gave up on women when I lived in Southern California. I had a secure well paying job and my own 3 bedroom home in a nice, safe area. Couldn’t get a date. Bad boys and thugs with felony convictions had so many women they were pushing them away. I reasoned that if a convicted felon was more desirable than me, there was no point in pursuing women any further. . Ironically , after I stopped pursuing, I started getting dates. Strange. I don’t know what to tell you. Church can be a nice place to meet decent people.If you go this route, I suggest a large church (greater chance of meeting someone). I am married now and have not dated for 23 years so I don’t know what it’s like out there in the dating world. I agree that guys should not lead you on if they are not interested.
I am currently on a matrimonial site and majority of the men do not like a plain jane woman like myself, but are attracted to those beautiful women who are fashionable and would make a good trophy wife. Men have rejected me mostly for physical appearance for being a petite small frame woman and plain jane. My profile information that I have about myself shows my personality that I am a really nice person and I actively serve in the community by volunteering for non-profit organizations like animal shelters, worship place, helping US military through donating items, and more. I have good character and a modest woman, but the men don’t get attracted to that because they eye on physical beauty. I left the matter in God’s hands because I couldn’t handle the 99% rejections from men. I truly understand what many men and women go through who are rejected just because they are plain or average looking, no not make high salary, or do meet educational requirements, a fashionable person, tall, or athletic or slim, or popular person. Despite being rejected so many times, I have faith that a right man will show up in my life who God wants me to be with who will find me very beautiful inside and out.
I also want to add if a person is unemployed whether he/she is blue collar worker or white collar the men and women majority to reject the people because they are not working. Yes, I agree with some of the comments that I read about people overrating themselves or exaggerating about themselves in order to make them appear they are top notch or worth getting a perfect 10 woman or man. There are also people who like rejecting people in order to make them feel good about themselves or build their ego. I left my issue with the rejection to God and I know that he does got a special someone for me. It does hurt being rejected so many times, but God will come through for me.
Misha, When I lived in Los Angeles I had a secure well paying job and my own 3 bedroom home in a nice safe area. I couldn’t get a date while ex-cons and thugs had so many women they were pushing them away. When I couldn’t compete with an ex-con I gave up on women entirely. I was busy with owkr and graduate school so it made sense to give up. After I gave up on women I started to get dates. Strange.
I’ve read every comment you’ve made on this post and the vast majority of them are resoundingly the same, as if you were too lazy to write something original and just copied and pasted for the most part. You seem to believe that what worked for you works for everyone and don’t realise how wrong you are. I am a college graduate down in Durban, South Africa, I’ve worked various exclusive jobs, one of them being a former employee of the South African National Defence Force (yes we to do have a military like America, not as powerful, but a military nevertheless). So when it comes to career and studies, I’ve done fairly well with my life, HOWEVER, it has not guaranteed me success in relationships, even when I have stopped showing an interest in women. So you can’t use your approach and think that it works for all people, as the first commentator John said here two years ago, it’s a numbers game, you’ll either get someone who’ll like you or you won’t, no matter what you try, doesn’t matter who you are. Also you talk about thugs and gangsters getting the best women, yes that’s true, but not for the reasons you’ve mentioned, there are only two reasons they get those women; (1) They drive around in fancy cars, dress well and got money to spend (from drug pushing) on those women. (2) Most women (NOT ALL THOUGH) find such men with highly well-known social statuses (criminals are always famous) attractive because it boosts their own status to be with such a guy. It’s for this reason that many a women chase other popular men who play professional Football, Basketball, Soccer and Rugby players.
I just wanted to chime in and let people know that here in NYC it’s very rough. All the well educated women want to pair up with men on their same educational level or up. If you are blue collar and make good money or not so much they don’t want to be associated with you. You can have a heart of gold and never cheat on them and respect women. Not talking about being a pushover here by the way. They wont have it. They have to have the total package, witty, looks, high income, be a pet lover, travel to many countries etc.. Us average Joes can’t compete! We can’t go for the less educated women because they are attracted to thugs too. I fell like we are stuck in limbo. Too good for the low income, low self esteem females and not good enough for the super independent, well educated women.
Hi,
How can I stop thinking about love, relationships, marriage and children? I am sick and tired of being rejected. The last one I met and dated in 2013, after six years of being uninterested and alone, lied about not being married. I just found out that he has 3 kids and a wife. The one before him dated me for five years only to go down the isle with a girl five years my junior, chosen by his parents, who did not even want to meet me. It turns out that he wants me back because the younger bride is infertile. The one before him married someone else when both of our cousins dated and married before us. And the story continues. I feel too discouraged to date again at the age of 31 for fear of being rejected again. I wonder what can get my mind and heart from thoughts of r/ships, love and marriage. Thanks.
It’s very liberating once one realizes that meeting the opposite sex is a hopeless exercise in futility and therefore stops caring.
@ Christie Hartman
I agree wholeheartedly with the majority of your post, however I got to disagree (like some of the other guys) with women getting rejected the way men do. You see there’s a difference between male and female rejection, a male will get turned down from the onset, whereas a female will have been with a man for a period of time before he takes flight. Very few women (good looking or even average) can say that they get rejected at the beginning (after date 1 or 2, or even before either!). Truth is a man won’t reject a woman he’s attracted to for petty reasons, which is more than I can say for a vast (NOT ALL) amount of women. Women’s rejection cannot be equated with that of man’s, even you know that women hold the power of rejection because it’s mostly men making a move and not the other way around. Also when a man gets with a woman, he doesn’t now necessarily have the power, I’ve seen many a women high tail it on good men after a 3, 6 or even 12 .month relationship.
I agree with most of what you say, Carmello. But not all. On this article, and another one like it I wrote years ago, a few men try to tell me what men experience and why women have it easier, and then go on to blame women. The problem is, these men have no idea what women experience; they only see their only point of view. And while they try to speak for men, they’re speaking for themselves. But someone like myself actually works with both sexes. I know what each faces, and I know it’s different for men and women, and I know how hard it can be for men, especially up front.
With due respect to yourself and others who have the patience to read through all these comments, this article is about things to try when you’ve faced repeated rejection. It’s not about who has it tougher. I dislike that conversation because 1) it leads to gender-bashing, which I forbid on my site (I’ve had to delete many misogynistic comments here, and I’ve thought seriously about closing comments altogether) and 2) there is nothing to be gained from it. Anyone who’s read my stuff knows that I believe in solving problems, not complaining about them. Complaining keeps us stuck and miserable.
Hi Christine. With all due respect but why is it that when women go on fora and start man bashing its good forthem to release but when mmenvent their frustrations it becomes incorrect and indecent?
I think a lot of men here have very valid points and women could actually learn something if they stopped being arrogant about it and see what the other side is saying. Just look at the number of men who have responded here. I think there is a pretty big social problem here because some people are failing to find partners. So instead of trying to sweep the problem under a rug address it. You want to see what part of the problem with women is? Read the comment from the lady, the one lady guest on this forum, read her comment on 5th of Jan 2015….total power trip. Women use rejecting men to make tjemselves feel good
“Plain looking people can get dates too…just make yourself more attractive”
Contradiction aside, that’s not advice. That’s the logical equivalent of saying “Tired of being in debt? Just get richer”
Hello Christine et al,
Just a quick update on where life has lead me since I asked you to address the agony of rejection……..
I had an email last week from the last man I dated, the one whom prompted me to post here in the first instance. And guess what?
Yes, you’re correct. He said he’d been thinking very fondly about me, and remembered it must be around a year since we dated. (early november 2014). He said he hoped I was in good health and looking forward to the festive season.
Well, blow me down with a feather………I thought whether I would dignify his email with a response, and if so what kind of a response would it be?….. I decided I needed to have some thinking time before I would address him, so popped back a very succinct email informing him I was travelling over festive period, hoped he was well, and closed the email.
I then got a response within hours asking me if I were available, would I like to meet up on my return home..
I then went travelling, thought about the situation and made a decision. I was NOT going to be made a fool of a second time around.
Upon my return home, I eventually decided to respond to him. The only decision I had to make was how much of the higher ground did I want to retain.
I responded to him saying I was at a loss to know why he would want to further date someone he had been verbally brutal in rejecting. I reminded him of his terminology and said I could not think of what could have caused him to think differently. Also that my feelings about that parting were still the same and I had no interest in being a date for someone who really wasn’t interested in me. I wished him every success in finding the right partner in the future.
I sent the email, and a few days later I got a rather odd reply confirming I was correct about how he felt about me, and that he had remembered our parting differently. Also he regretted being so bluntly spoken when reminded of what was said. I knew I had been right to think he wasn’t for me especially when he’d been so cruel and hurtful, blaming me for his changing his mind to looking for a wife, not a friend. I am vindicated, inasmuch as he’s still looking for that wife and hasn’t met anyone as nice as me (his words) since our long correspondence and date. He realised he threw something good away, because he now knows he needs to be friends with the woman he will make his wife. He thought that could have been me (his words again), but made a big mistake by rejecting me that way. I was looking for a friend, not a husband, so nothing had changed for me. I got no apology from him just a quick sign off with a few x after his name.
I have do not expect to hear from him again.
I was rather shocked to think, he would hope I would be conducive to the idea of re-establishing a dating pattern with a view to a future together after the way he had spoken to me. It was only when he was reminded of this that he agreed nothing had changed for him except the fact he’d not been able to attract a wife, let alone another date since he and I dated. What was he thinking?…….Christine, you have to have an answer for that?
I’ve not been out on a date since then and have spent my time happily single, as the second member of the Harry H club, concentrating on other things and have turned down a few requests for a date too. I feel much better for doing so.
Here’s to being single in the Harry H club. 🙂
Thomas Chad: thank you for commenting. I think your comment does a good job summing up the real problem here, but probably not in the way you think.
1) I never said it’s okay for men to bash men. I said I don’t allow GENDER bashing, and that includes both genders. Unfortunately, the vast majority of comments I have to delete come from men, and most of them have been on this thread.
2) You’re right: there IS a big social problem here, and I will address it. But I guarantee you won’t like the answer. The problem isn’t women, it’s men like you who face rejection, develop resentment against women as a result, come to my site and blame women and/or make hateful comments, and then get indignant that I don’t see the “real problem.”
The rest of what I’m about to say isn’t about you per se, but the men who come here and call women things I don’t care to repeat.
I DO see the real problem. The real problem is that there are people out there who can’t handle rejection. They perceive it as an indication of their inherent worthlessness, rather than tactical mistakes they’re making, and they develop hatred toward the other sex as a result. This happens in both sexes, but I see it more in men. But it’s only a subset of men. They’re filled with hatred and blame. I believe these men have endured pretty deep wounds early in life, and those festering wounds are being dragged into adulthood and dating in unhealthy ways. A lot of people, men especially, don’t want to talk about “childhood wounds,” but that refusal costs them their happiness. They think the problem is women, that if only women would change, or if people like me would acknowledge that women are at fault, then everything will be okay.
But even if I were willing to do that, it wouldn’t help. Why? Because:
THE PROBLEM ISN’T WOMEN. THE PROBLEM IS HATRED ITSELF.
I’ve worked with men who’ve endured horrible rejections: being repeatedly cheated on by a spouse, being dumped in terrible ways, being told they were never loved. Horrible rejections by horrible women. But you won’t see these men calling women cunts or saying how arrogant or wrong or spoiled or stupid they are. These men make peace with their pasts and know that what happened to them ISN’T ABOUT THEM. They move on to find better women. And I’ve got nasty stories from women’s perspectives too. Dating and relationships will test your strength more than anything else in life.
This is life. You get pummeled by rotten people, it beats you down before making you stronger, and you move on. I’ve been there, you’ve been there, everyone’s been there. Men, women, EVERYONE. IT’S LIFE.
Repeated rejection is painful and frustrating. It sucks. But it’s NOT an excuse to hate on the other sex. It serves no one, including the hater. I want people to come here for help, and for hope. I want them to see good examples of men and women who appreciate the other sex, or are at least trying to.
And since this article seems to have become a place for some people to drop by and “vent” their hatred in a way that serves no one, including them, I’m officially closing comments to it as of right now.
Best of luck to all. Remember: hate never solved anything. Find another way.
*****COMMENTS FOR THIS ARTICLE ARE OFFICIALLY CLOSED*****