So most of you saw my recent article entitled “Are all PUAs (Pickup Artists) Bad?” Inspiration for the article stemmed from an event that made news – a PUA (Ken Hoinsky) raised quite a bit of money on Kickstarter, but his (rather lengthy) materials included a few statements that were controversial in nature. It created a stink that had everyone talking, from the PUA community to mainstream media.
My article generated some comments from several members of the PUA community, and brought up several worthwhile points, including:
- The PUA community is much larger and more diverse than many people realize
- The PUA community has members that do a lot of good, in addition to those who don’t
- The community is about as heterogeneous as the dating advice community in general
- The media (and the internet in general) prefers the shocking over the healthy or reasonable, so the bad ones get the press
- Ken Hoinsky’s stuff, barring a couple of sex-related points, had some solid, good advice in it
Many members of the community came out to defend it, feeling unfairly vilified by the harmful actions of other PUAs.
From my own standpoint, I can understand their points about the media. As someone who’s been a mainstream dating advice expert for years, I’ve noticed that it’s the gamey, blamey, silly dating advice that gets the press (and the book sales!). Everybody knows about The Rules – even men. That’s the book people reference, despite it being gamey, outdated, and based on a false premise?? Many people don’t know about my books because they’re… reasonable. Reasonable doesn’t make headlines. Likewise, the PUAs who talk about how many chicks they’ve fucked, or how they’re the alpha male leading women by the nose, are the ones people talk about. Meanwhile, the regular guys who are teaching men how to attract women are, like me, just doing what we do every day: helping people find happiness and and success with the other sex.
Nate Hananger (aka The Jester) chimed in on this topic and asked to interview me and several other dating experts, many of whom are prominent members of the PUA community, about what happened with Ken and the Kickstarter phenomenon, as well as about perceptions of the PUA community. You can find the interviews and article, entitled “The Round Table of Pickup: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly“, on The Jester’s Blog.
Comments are welcome, as usual.